Low points: and how to get out of them

[ToughButterCup]

This time of the year gets to me - sometimes.

 

And in the context of self-building, its dark for longer, wet for longer, cold for longer, windy for longer than I'd like. Optimists say that some of that can be sorted by proper clothing, and decent site lighting.

But wetness can make a  site misery quicker than anything, cold can stop concrete and mortar dead. Wind is a bastard on a scaffold. 

Self building's a character test. The push to complete never lets up despite all of the above. 

 

I suspect that a few of us are having to 'dig-deeper-than-normal' these days.

 

Got any ways of picking yourself up when things are more than merely gloomy?

[Post and beam]

Perhaps weirdly, i had less problems with clambering  on ice covered roof rafters last january than i do now. We moved in in November with all of the internal painting, architraves & skirting still to do. We only have 3 doors out of a total of 15 required.

I am finding it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to do anything at the moment.

[ProDave]

Funny you should mention it but work on my long awaited car port ground to a halt when the snow came with the new year.

[mjc55]

I agree that this feels like the toughest time of the year when self-building.  This time last year we had just got our PP so prior to that it was just tinkering around the site etc.

 

This year is different as there are foundations in for the main house and the Pod we are building both to test the build process we have chosen and live in whilst we build the house is well on it's way.  However the rain this year is sorely testing.  We have a sloping site so we can drain from the front to the back but the Pod is at the back and although we have constructed it so its well out of the damp, at this stage it is very wet and the clay is sorely testing.

 

The thing is though, all the downsides are outweighed by the sheer pleasure at the fact that what we are doing is something that we have planned for many,many years.  Spring will be here before we know it, the evenings are getting lighter and ultimately the end goal outweighs all else.

 

Onwards and Upwards!

[SimonD]

 

48 minutes ago, ToughButterCup said:

The push to complete never lets up despite all of the above. 

 

This is the bit that's the toughest for me especially when trying to balance everything else that's important in life. With the build, it's not like going home from the office and switching off. One of the things here is that my boys have grown through their teenage years on a building site, but I've spent a lot of time with them away from the build, which at the moment seems to have been the best thing for them. They're living in a warm, dry house, and have their own bedrooms, a bathroom and a functional kitchen, it's just so many other areas of the house still need a lot of work.

 

54 minutes ago, ToughButterCup said:

Got any ways of picking yourself up when things are more than merely gloomy?

 

Deepest winter does seem to be the worst. I approached it with the mentality of - just do one thing, however small it might be. Rather than looking around and seeing how much needs to be done, it's about seeing what little things can I do here or there, even when the weather or light is against me.  It's not the solution, but it can very much help. Sometimes I'm surprised by how much gets done as a result and how even just getting some plasterboard put up, can feel so satisfying.

 

But then, sometimes, it is just a pure grind and I see that as just a temporary phase that'll change in a few short days or weeks.

[Gone West]

3 hours ago, ToughButterCup said:

Got any ways of picking yourself up when things are more than merely gloomy?

We cheated for several winters, and spent a couple of months in Madeira. We were refreshed when we came back.

[Spinny]

Never enjoyed this time of year. The festive period is over but still a long drag until warmth and daylight comes - UK can sometimes be getting snow in early April.

 

The constant flow of problems can seem overbearing - one of our plasterers cut his hand badly before Xmas - now the other one has badly sprained his right hand/thumb on scaffolding. Not on our job, but just stops them working on ours. FIL just diagnosed with dementia.

 

Spouse is really struggling. At my time of life I have concluded the only approach is the stoic one - keep pushing the rock up the mountain however little gain you make and however much it keeps rolling back down...

https://youtu.be/i-GD7R82y9Q?si=S_YVPJ3poHzILnbK

 

I like to keep thinking of each day having more daylight than the last.

[Russell griffiths]

@ToughButterCup

go indoors you fool, do the jobs inside, it will be spring in a blink of an eye come outside then. 
 

follow me for more insightful tips

#sillybilly #nofoollikeanolfool

[BotusBuild]

How do i cope?

 

Do the jobs you know will take short amounts of time - and pat yourself on the back to say "job  well done".

 

Plan in trips out, or visits to or by family members who will help your mood.

 

Go for walks in the rain - it can't stop you doing that!

 

If you have a local pub you like, go and have a pint or two once a week. Chatting to the locals/your friends always helps.

[ToughButterCup]

4 minutes ago, Russell griffiths said:

 

... you fool..

 

Never a truer phrase, you Southern Softy.

 

follow me for more apposite and gratuitous insults

#oldfoolsaremoreexperiencedthanyoungerones #southernersaresoft

Edited Monday at 13:59 by ToughButterCup

[JohnMo]

6 hours ago, Post and beam said:

We moved in in November

That's a killer, motivation once in the house is hard to come by.

 

Our roof was going on this time 5 years ago (where has the time gone), but was on mission, motivation was easy, I didn't plan or expect the build to take more than a year, which it didn't - year two would have been much harder.

 

6 hours ago, ToughButterCup said:

having to 'dig-deeper-than-normal' these days

Lists helped me - a list of 10 achievable things, strike them off at the end of each day, anything left add to the next days list - even if you are not doing them and you are paying someone else, you see progress. Progress is a motivator on its own

[crispy_wafer]

Sometimes we just need to recharge ourselves, I and the family like @Gone West normally, just sod off for a week where the sun is out.  Cheap flight and a cheap apartment for 5-7 days where the sun is shining and where you can stroll around without a care just like ‘normal’ folk do!  

 

I found once booked the mind focuses on the little wins in the build, or those must do that before we go jobs, which all means further progress in the grand scheme of it.  

 

Once back i’m ready to throw myself back to it, albeit with a clearer mind and a fresh outlook.  Although I’m at the stage now where I need to pack my tools away properly and leave them in their ‘spot’ or i forget where I left the damn things and need to go on a hunt before I can get cracking.

[ToughButterCup]

1 hour ago, crispy_wafer said:

....  Although I’m at the stage now where I need to pack my tools away properly and leave them in their ‘spot’ or i forget where I left the damn things and need to go on a hunt before I can get cracking.

 

Ugh ughhhhhh...ferkkkin'urgh...

 

How many hours have I wasted looking for  a tool - not finding it - but really needing it - NOW - pop down the BM, buy another - 3 days later find I've got 2.

 

Now a TOOL FINDER.... that'd cheer me up proper...

[Nestor]

We hear you Ian,

I now try to focus on one task only and do not deviate. (Not easy)

January has been to complete the bat roost.

Baffles, partitions, F1 bitumen felt, crawl access etc. It will be done.

Not been on holiday since 2017 when the build started, though have crossed the Taymar bridge a few times!

February's plan is hopefully outside dealing with hedges, fences.

A good clear up and sort out, dip in the river or sea helps me.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited Monday at 18:27 by Nestor

[SteamyTea]

Mean air temperature generally rises by 1°C per month, until August.  Daylight hours increase by 1 hour a month till the 21st June.

There will be plenty of time to get sweaty and overworked in a couple of months.

We were planning out maintenance for the year.  Already filled up 8 months, then I pointed out that we loose a month with holidays.  So three quarters of the year has already gone.

That final quarter is to fix things that get broken, and you would not believe what the general public will break.

 

[ToughButterCup]

3 minutes ago, SteamyTea said:

Mean air temperature generally rises by 1°C per month, until August.  Daylight hours increase by 1 hour a month till the 21st June.

...

 

Forgot that. Thanks @SteamyTea

[saveasteading]

1 hour ago, Nestor said:

I now try to focus on one task only and do not deviate.

I'm the opposite as I can do more for longer if I vary the tasks. However the result is far less satisfying to me or impressive to others.

And the scoring off of a list is very satisying....so do what Nestor says if you can and otherwise  maybe add a column of 90% finished.

Or more task lines including  Start to.....

 

@Nestor that is the only BH message I have ever seen that has made my mouth water.... the Malt is calling me. Speyside of course.

[Omnibuswoman]

I was drawn to this thread as I was badly struggling for motivation in the couple of months before Christmas, especially trying to undertake tasks single handedly that really required someone with 8 arms, and a lot more height and strength than I have. I eventually got to the point where I was barely achieving anything, and getting more and more self-critical and fed up. Constantly tired, frustrated, and aching.

 

I decided to speak to my GP and started taking anti-depressant medication, which has made a tremendous difference already. In addition, I decided to take up the offers of help that people have given me, and aimed to structure activities around that help in a way that makes it feel the most effective, eg. getting some large boards up on the wall with a few screws so that when I'm back to working alone I can do the simple task of filling in the remaining screws. 

 

It isn't even slightly surprising that the pressures of undertaking a self building project can have a negative impact on mental wellbeing. Even the most optimistic of us can get worn down by the feeling of it being relentless and interminable. Asking for help can be transformative.

 

 

[BotusBuild]

On 26/01/2026 at 18:04, ToughButterCup said:

TOOL FINDER

SWMBO? {Puts on tin hat}

 

There should be a service dog available on  prescription for self builders

[SimonD]

55 minutes ago, Omnibuswoman said:

I decided to speak to my GP and started taking anti-depressant medication, which has made a tremendous difference already. In addition,I decided to take up the offers of help that people have given me, and aimed to structure activities around that help in a way that makes it feel the most effective, eg. getting some large boards up on the wall with a few screws so that when I'm back to working alone I can do the simple task of filling in the remaining screws. 

 

That's a good call on both counts.

 

My recommendation is also to have a serious look at the tools out there available - as well as rigs you can knock up with spare timber - that can make your life easier to move and fit materials. One of the things I've noticed is that the trades and builders generally are really bad at thinking things through like this and will scoff at stuff that makes life easier - as a consequence we unconsciously follow those practices. Building on your own takes a very different mentality than a testosterone filled building site with lots of labour available or those who are willing to harm their bodies (I once got laughed at by a builder for putting on some chain saw trousers when I was about to chop down 3 trees).

 

One very small example is atool I bought several years ago was this:

https://grabo.com/

 

It turns lifting plywood, plasterboard, windows, paving slabs, you name it, into a one person job and means you can hold a sheet up to a wall single handedly with putting in a screw with the other. When I first started using it I got giggles from staff in the builders merchants about how I'd just got the vibrator out. Then that turned into how they wished the company would buy a few in for them. I had no idea how much I'd end up using it.

[ToughButterCup]

3 hours ago, Omnibuswoman said:

...

especially trying to undertake ( self-building) tasks single handedly

...

 

That's the loneliest place in the world . 

 

You (we, I) have been told / made to understand that self-building is a privilege. Given to few. And we should be grateful - stop moaning and "JustBloodyDoIt."

 

Self-building is as big a character test as doing a PhD, or handling a long-term relationship break down, or surviving a major operation. A full-on build's knackering. 

 

You're among friends here.

Don't ever forget that 

[Omnibuswoman]

Thanks all for the supportive replies. This forum is one of the best sources of support a self-builder could have.

 

I want to give special thanks to @BotusBuild and @Fallingditch for their generosity with both practical and moral support, and to @Gus Potter, @Nickfromwales, @ProDave, @SteamyTea, @ToughButterCup and others who have responded to threads and direct messages with advice and wisdom that I could not have managed without. Knowing that you guys are here, and willing to show such kindness and generosity with your time and knowledge, is invaluable.

[SteamyTea]

@Omnibuswoman

Anytime.

[Nickfromwales]

All part of the service, ma’am. 🤝