Do you ever feel like giving up

[Vijay]

Getting quite stressed out with this self build which is just 24/7 of my life. It took me 3 years to find my plot and the last 2.5 years has just been one thing after another but not feeling like I'm getting anywhere. I'm at the point of feeling like walking away from the whole thing as I'm just so fed up with it all and financially it's been a huge burden.

 

Have you guys felt like that and how did you stop yourself from just giving up????????????????

[Ferdinand]

Get away for a bit.

 

Currently there are various ticket sales around eg Virgin to Hong Kong (Economy) for £450.

http://www.headforpoints.com/2016/09/04/important-dates-for-your-diary-offers-about-to-close-which-you-shouldnt-miss-15/

 

Ferdinand

 

[PeterW]

+1 to Ferdi's suggestion.

 

get some time away and chill - I've done narrowboats when I want to relax as the world going past at 5mph is perfect ..!

 

And make a list of what needs to be done when you get back - don't do it beforehand, and don't take it with you. Fresh pair of eyes when you've had a break is really good to refocus things. 

[Tennentslager]

You have probably achieved loads but as there's still much to do all the focus is looking forward towards what has still to be done.

 In the void now of having almost finished I'm lost at times for a task to keep busy.

It does give time for reflection. I bet you have made great progress but you can't see the value so far.

Time off is a good idea but for me I need a busy break. Just booked a three city tour across eastern Europe with cheap flights and trains. No time to worry, travel, beer, eat repeat .

Best wishes!

[Ferdinand]

Actually, Vijay, at this time of year plan to spend the weekend of 17-18 September visiting inspiring or interesting buildings via the London Open House weekend:

 

Welcome to Open House London
17 & 18 September 2016

Open House London is the capital's largest annual festival of architecture and design.

About Open House

Open House was started in 1992 as a small, not-for-profit organisation to promote public awareness and appreciation of the capital's building design and architecture. The intention was to open up London's splendid buildings to the general public who don't otherwise have access. We saw this as a way of helping the wider community to become more knowledgeable, engage in dialogue and make informed judgements on architecture.

Buildings surround us in a city but the one thing we do not learn about in schools is the fabric of a place, such as the structure, framework or composition. The urban fabric of our community has such a strong impact on us on an everyday basis.

Core to our beliefs and values is having direct experience. You can't make an informed decision merely through abstract images, such as photos and illustrations. You need to be engaged with the space in question to know what the reality is.

Perceptions of the city have changed over the past 20 years. Public space, including landscape architecture, are now recognised as essential parts of a city. Open-City has taken the original initiative one step further by including public spaces and infrastructure. While the public may already have access to these areas, the point of Open-City is to draw attention to the value that public space offers to the community, broadening dialogue further.

Our main role is advocacy. We aim to help change perceptions, break down barriers and inspire people to demand high-quality places for current and future generations. Our pioneering programmes and initiatives are designed to meet the needs of decision-makers, young people and the wider community. And it is the success of our approach as an advocacy body that has positioned us as a progressive and influential authority among these groups.

 

That sounds pretentious, but there a *lot* ordinary homes open too. Plan to visit 5 or 6, and just soak in the atmosphere and the detail. Many are inspirational eg 2 Willow Road. They or may not have a White Fluffy Cat. Visiting that one - Erno Goldfinger's House - and a couple that he designed (if any are included) would be a good way to start. I see that the Lawn Road flats and Highpoint One are included so that could be a nice afternoon on a Boris bike.

 

http://www.openhouselondon.org.uk/about/index.html

 

One of my most enjoyable weekends *ever* was partly spent under this project visiting 3 or 4 types of interesting Council House built by Camden from 1965 to about 1985.

 

In the meantime enjoy this blog about Modernist Estates by Stefi Orazi (ignore the one off flashing gif):

http://www.modernistestates.com/

 

Ferdinand

Edited September 4, 2016 by Ferdinand

[Vijay]

Cheers guys. Getting away isn't an option as I have a dog and more importantly, my Mum is due to go in for heart surgery (was supposed to be tomorrow but they cancelled it on Friday and I've yet to find out when she'll be going in now). Getting around London is an option though but the issues are all still there when you get home

[Declan52]

The whole self build experience is basically like them guys who spin plates on a stick. You run around like a headless chicken trying to keep all the plates spinning but sometimes trades or companies let you down and you smash a plate. This then gets you stressed out more and more and you lie awake at night over thinking every last aspect of the build, we have all been there. Close the site for a week and just focus on yourself and your family esp your mum and just remember it's only a house. Your health and family are far more important than it so go for an outing in London, was there last week and loved it, and just live a bit. When your family have drove you insane then it's time to restart the build!!! As above make the list of what needs done and by who, set up dates when they need to be on site and just knock the jobs of one by one and you won't be long till its finished.

 

[Vijay]

I haven't even started the build yet!!!  So it's gonna get worse

[Declan52]

Sometimes!!! 

[Onoff]

Come on here, let people take the pi$$ and have a bit of banter. A problem shared and all that! Great support here.

 

Would jotting down a list of what you HAVE achieved help? 

 

That's part of the reason I go mad with photos. I can look back to when say the bathroom was literally a hole in the ground.

 

(Best I don't look how far to go though.....)

 

Why not post up a specific big worry you have at present, someone here will have been through it and come out the other side!

[Bitpipe]

I felt like several times over the last 24 months ago  - when the previous mortgage company was refusing to support the project, planning conditions were taking forever to clear, ground investigation was ominous.

 

Moved in yesterday and it's all forgotten (more less). 

[jack]

35 minutes ago, Bitpipe said:

Moved in yesterday and it's all forgotten (more less). 

 

Wow that came around quickly!  Great feeling, isn't it?

 

We were just discussing in the car on the way home that we need to set a date for completing everything and getting it signed off.  As the conversation went on, we realised that we're now in September, and moved in just before Christmas last, meaning even if we really get our skates on we're going to be pushing it to finish before this Christmas.  Still, it's a good deadline and will hopefully give us the push we need.

 

Vijay, it gets so much easier once things actually start happening.  You'll still have stress and tiredness and all the rest of it, but when you can see the ongoing fruits of your labour (compromises and all), it's so much easier to keep plodding on.  It does end!

[Declan52]

There is no better feeling than moving in knowing all what happened to get to that stage. I bought a bottle of wine and lay in the bath for near an hr, my last bath was too small to actually lie down. Am in near two years and I am still finishing bits that got missed. 

[j_s]

I think once you get going like jack says you will feel better. You can't let all the work youve already put in be for nothing. I lose sleep now and again just planning stupid little things like insulation improvements to my house and other renovation plans and it dominates .y thoughts. I'd be a mess with building a house!

[ProDave]

Stress is an integral part of a building project. For most of us, it will be the most challenging and largest project you will ever tackle.

 

The stress won't stop when you actually get building, nor will the problems get any easier.

 

My own "challenge" at the moment (and has been for some time) is the inability to sell our existing house so for almost a year now I have slowly, oh so slowly, working mostly on my own been inching the project forward trying to make the last dregs of a tiny budget stretch as far as humanely possible. Today  was a milestone. Roughly 10 months since I started, I have finally finished tiling the last bit of roof, the garage roof, so now the house has a proper lid on all of it.  I shall be partaking of the "good" whisky tonight to celebrate.

 

There have been times when if someone had come along and offered me a pile of cash for the part built house I would have sold it without question. I still question the financial wisdom of building the new house given the state of the housing market up here. until that issue is resolved, our build will continue to inch forwards but will not reach anything like habitable, let alone finished for many years or until a buyer is found for the old one.

 

The build itself I am enjoying, but I can honestly say this will be the last, if for no other reason than I just cannot face the prospect later of of having to sell a house again.

 

Time out from the build is important, so do go off and have fun from time to time.
 

[Vijay]

Thanks guys. I'm still not sure which way I will go but I hate living where I am in London so much that I have to do something. I've thought so much over the weekend about looking to buy a house but I know that which never give me my dream house an that will incur it's own set of problems. I think you're all right, I need to have a break and switch off somehow from the whole self build thing.

[Vijay]

2 hours ago, Onoff said:

Come on here, let people take the pi$$ and have a bit of banter. A problem shared and all that! Great support here.

 

Would jotting down a list of what you HAVE achieved help? 

 

That's part of the reason I go mad with photos. I can look back to when say the bathroom was literally a hole in the ground.

 

(Best I don't look how far to go though.....)

 

Why not post up a specific big worry you have at present, someone here will have been through it and come out the other side!

 

I don't feel I've got very far but:

 

Got the house complete redesigned with a layout I love. Architect didn't think I would get permission but it got approved.

Working drawings almost completed (can't finish until the SE finishes).

Initial SAP design passed

Got the site cleared and fairly levelled out (still need a lot more doing when the build starts).

Got the condition for tree protection fences discharged.

Bought a digger.

 

Still on-going:

 

Trying to get structural engineers drawings that are fit for the job. This has been on going since February this year. I've found that people just give you a solution without any thought of cost or ease. Common sense doesn't seem to exist

Trying to get the B&B floor design sorted - but that has been messed around cos of the SE

Been trying for 6 months to get prices from ICF builders.

Endless people not calling back or replying, so many false promises!!!!!!!!!! I would rather someone just say they are not interested, at least I know where I stand.

[ragg987]

I have to admit our build is now beginning to wear me down a bit. I remember reading some other posts about depression - I don't know if this is it or just going through a puple patch.

 

We are pretty close to the end, this should have been the exciting part as we are fitting flooring, painting, with second fix electrical and plumbing and kitchens, fitted wardrobes etc to follow.

 

The problem is that it is a case of two steps forward and one back, and things I might have shrugged off before seem to frustrate now. The sequencing is pretty critical in the way trades need to follow each other and there are all sorts of obstacles in the way and hence completion is sliding further and further away. Leave, illness, bereavement, new babies, weddings, out-of-stock issues, errors in interpreting instructions (or inability - "we never do it like this") - we have seen it all. Coupled with damage to previously completed works. Aaaargh.

 

I keep trying to remind myself of how much we have achieved since Nov 2013 when we bought the site. Ask again in 3 weeks when I hope we have completed the first floor. Once we get the kitchen in we intend to move out of the small rental flat...

 

On  the positive side, we do have a great build team - real people who are doing their level best - just that we have a lifetime of building norms working against us.

[ragg987]

Oh, and this is having just come back from 1 week holiday where I switched away from all things build related and tried to relax and enjoy. Perhaps the return nudged me closer to the edge?

[Nickfromwales]

Start doing some ground work hobbles with the digger. Will get you out and you'll get to hit other people's stuff with it whilst learning ( instead of your own ) .

In the words of the late Ronnie Barker..."Don't let the bastards wear you down". 

If you need a distraction, you can think of something innovative to stick in @Onoff 's bath tap holes.   

Ive heard there's a prize for best idea   

 

[Stones]

We are on build number 6.  Some things get easier, others don't.  There have been times when I wished I hadn't started, but I do enjoy the build process and of course, the end result.  

 

I think the important thing is to take a break if you are feeling things are getting on top of you.  That includes taking a break from forums like this.  Forums are in many ways a double edged sword, invaluable deposits of knowledge and information, but they can make you question decisions already made, and cause you to worry over things which you cannot undo or have no control over.  

 

Have faith in yourself and confidence in your decisions.  

 

Also be honest with yourself.  If you only have limited time or limited skills, carefully consider the build route you want to take.  We have always gone down the main contractor route, initially because I didn't have the time to deal with everything.  As we progressed through our builds, I have taken on and done more work myself, but in general terms, I have always confined myself to planning the build, then overseeing on a daily basis what's going on, speaking to tradesmen while they work (which lets you deal with any minor questions they may have about how you want something finished).  It may cost slightly more doing it this way, but for us it has worked, and worked well.

[jamiehamy]

4 hours ago, Vijay said:

 

I don't feel I've got very far but:

 

Got the house complete redesigned with a layout I love. Architect didn't think I would get permission but it got approved.

Working drawings almost completed (can't finish until the SE finishes).

Initial SAP design passed

Got the site cleared and fairly levelled out (still need a lot more doing when the build starts).

Got the condition for tree protection fences discharged.

Bought a digger.

 

Still on-going:

 

Trying to get structural engineers drawings that are fit for the job. This has been on going since February this year. I've found that people just give you a solution without any thought of cost or ease. Common sense doesn't seem to exist

Trying to get the B&B floor design sorted - but that has been messed around cos of the SE

Been trying for 6 months to get prices from ICF builders.

Endless people not calling back or replying, so many false promises!!!!!!!!!! I would rather someone just say they are not interested, at least I know where I stand.

Sounds to me like you're doing just fine Vijay, even if it doesn't feel that way. We get sick of it sometimes, usually when we are bogged down in something but despite saying we'll 'take a break', it never happens - once something completes and we're onto something else, we find the enthusiasm again. 

 

I think one reason we don't get too stressed is that we have no timeline - it will be ready when it is ready. IF things are delayed, then we've always got something else to be doing. You might be a bit stuck because you have a fairly limited set of activities that NEED to be complete before you can then always have something to work on. 

 

Re: engineers - I think they are all like that. Ours was a nice guy - but needed kicked to do anything. And had no idea about self building, specifying standard off the self solutions that were totally inappropriate or over the top - the floor beams being one - how was I to know that 5.5m floor beams are VERY hard to get?! Or that 600mm inspection chambers cost well over £1000 each - and he specced 4! So I feel your pain there. 

 

For the floor - the engineer drawings were not very clear and 3 floor companies did the wrong design - and only one actually rose to the challenge and managed to find us a solution - credit where it's due - Cellecta/Tetris really did a great job for us. 

 

For the ICF - We got prices from all, Polarwall were not the cheapest, but I loved the product (which was perfect for our odd build) and Alan was great - always on the phone, really knows his stuff and gets invested in the project. I doubt we'd have had the same support from the others. 

 

My tip? Make a list - as long as you like. Then at the top put the three things you can/need to get done in the next two months. Forget the rest - once the top three are done, your list will remind you of everything else. It's easy to frazzle with too many things at once. 

 

Keep smiling, and keep at it - there are ups and downs, but the ups outweigh the downs in the medium and long run

 

 

 

 

[Vijay]

I really appreciated everyone's replies

 

Nick, I've been using the digger over the last few weeks at a mates farm and starting to enjoy using it and not getting fazed by the way a digger can throw you around

 

Jamie, I intend to use Polarwall as I agree Alan is just fantastic and been one of the very few that have been on the ball. Sadly I wish his builders would follow his example. I'm gonna do a list as you suggest and concentrate on a few things rather that the whole thing at once. I just hope I don't hit any more real headaches as I hate that I've even thought about giving up..........................................

 

As stupid as it may sound, the main reason I don't want to give up, is the thought of having my garage/workshop and being able to work on my cars without worrying my tools will be nicked from my drive.

[jamiehamy]

17 minutes ago, Vijay said:

I really appreciated everyone's replies

 

Nick, I've been using the digger over the last few weeks at a mates farm and starting to enjoy using it and not getting fazed by the way a digger can throw you around

 

Jamie, I intend to use Polarwall as I agree Alan is just fantastic and been one of the very few that have been on the ball. Sadly I wish his builders would follow his example. I'm gonna do a list as you suggest and concentrate on a few things rather that the whole thing at once. I just hope I don't hit any more real headaches as I hate that I've even thought about giving up..........................................

 

As stupid as it may sound, the main reason I don't want to give up, is the thought of having my garage/workshop and being able to work on my cars without worrying my tools will be nicked from my drive.

Haha, I'm the same - huge garage to build a car collection and work on mine. However, I actually took a decision to put that on the backburner to let us focus on the house - if I started the garage now, it's £25k we'd need to commit - that will get us a long way on the house. But as soon as house is done, garage will go up. It'll be part underground, 200mm ICF, insulated raft, 3m high, 10m long and 8m wide. Good for hopefully 6 cars at a push  

[Nickfromwales]

That's NOT a garage.....that's a car house.