Motivating other people is one thing, but ....

[ToughButterCup]

......  getting myself motivated is another : sometimes. Especially today for some reason.

 

3 full years in and the frayed edges are starting to show. Living with my mistakes and the mistakes of others.

 

I'm tired. Dog tired. Bone tired.

And all the  things that I hate about myself bubble up to the surface too readily. I stamp hard on those annoying niggles  when I can, and try to take pleasure in the very real achievements. But sometimes I just bloody well can't.  Today, I can't.

 

I used to teach students how to motivate themselves (!Ha!): so, in line with what I taught,  I set SMART targets (Small Achievable Realistic Time-bound) for the next day, the next few hours, the next few minutes. But I recognise from previous experience ( marathon running, fell running ) that all too quickly, I have my eyes fixed on the floor, looking at the next few paces. I'm knackered. Had enough. Tearful sometimes. Big girl.

 

I'm in that ungrateful, self-indulgent, whining mode. And I bet I'm not alone.

 

If you recognise my description, how did you dig yourself out of a similar hole?

[jamiehamy]

I just quit what I was doing and took time out for a few days or until I felt like going back. I found that taking a conscious decision to do that, do nothing on the build until we were ready made a big difference. On one hand we think we can't afford 'time off' but on the other, it's vital for our own motivation, spirits and well being. 

 

Time off can be just doing nothing on the house or take a trip somewhere for a few days? You've recognised the most important thing - all the motivation techniques in the world have their limited because virtually none are geared up to motivated you non stop for years!

 

Oh - and keep hydrated - water, not tea or coffee. That's not a flippant comment, whatever we were feeling was compounded (esp in the early days when we didnt' realise) by not drinking enough hydrating fluids). 

 

Finally - and this is only a personal thing, but it most definitely works for me - I have some really high strength vitamin B-Complex capsules - taken occasionally for only a few days, they help my concentration and general brain power. If I know I have a tough day ahead or riding the bike for a long journey I take these. 

[Onoff]

Can't Debbie offer a rewards scheme? 

[ToughButterCup]

1 minute ago, Onoff said:

Can't Debbie offer a rewards scheme? 

 

Yes: 4 days off in June when I have a significant birthday.......... 

[Onoff]

2 minutes ago, recoveringacademic said:

 

Yes: 4 days off in June when I have a significant birthday.......... 

 

June being her best mate, sister?

 

 

[vivienz]

Agree with Jamie. Block out at least a couple of days in your diary and have nothing to do with build. If you can, go somewhere else where you have none of the usual stress triggers. If you do get away, or even if you don't, above all don't feel guilty for taking the time off.

[ToughButterCup]

1 minute ago, vivienz said:

[...]

above all don't feel guilty for taking the time off.

 

This weekend, for the first time in God knows how long, I had a weekend off. I was amused at how, when trapped in a long traffic queue, I found myself enjoying it. A friggin' traffic jam!

I didn't need to (couldn't )  do anything  other than operate the clutch, and blip the accelerator as appropriate. It was as if I'd come out from under a rock, blinking into the sunlight.

 

Weird.

[jack]

Time off is excellent, for sure. Even a long weekend will make a world of difference.

 

I found it useful to spend an evening out with mates at the pub. You can piss and moan to them for a bit, then move on to talking about more interesting things.

 

How are you sleeping? I find that my motivation flags hard when I don't have enough sleep. There was a thread somewhere recently about that, but my tips are:

 - reduce caffeine intake, and have none at all after midday

 - make sure your room is dark

 - take magnesium and inulin (extracted from jerusalem artichokes) before bed. Latter is a flavourless powder that can just be mixed into your choice of caffeine-free beverage.

 - do some hard exercise every day, even if just for 5-10 mins. Low intensity isn't enough - your heart rate needs to be elevated and you need to be breathing hard.

 

I also tried to focus on how much we'd achieved rather than how much was still to go or how miserable I was about mistakes I and others had made.

 

We're with you, and we know you can do this.

[joe90]

Luckily I have not been there but I believe this is only because I refuse to put pressure on myself, I have suffered Ill health on more than one occasion because of stress in the past. I have been waiting most of my life to do this build and it’s not worth it unless I enjoy it. My wife likes to work to definite dates but I refuse saying it will be done when it’s done! I was taught mindfulness after one particular health scare and thought then “ what a waste of time” but it’s not. I make myself sit down and just stare at the view, the clouds, the trees and take just a few moments “out”. I also do not make myself do jobs I hate, I hate painting and although I can do it I have a decorator coming tomorrow so I can get on with things I like, like woodwork which also needs doing.

[Onoff]

Tidying up at the end of the day is good. I try and clear exactly where I've been working, all the measuring / marking stuff goes back in its dedicated bag. Boxes of screws put together, spirit levels stacked etc. A sweep up and  quick vac. Much nicer to know you're going back to a clean workspace.

[ToughButterCup]

Only another 

2 minutes ago, Onoff said:

Tidying up at the end of the day is good.[...]

 

Making time for that job is a pleasure when you aren't already exhausted. I could spend a complete day clearing up - but I try to spend a few moments here and there during the day doing that. But even that's gone by the board these days.

 

I'm going to snap out of this loop soon I hope.

[Onoff]

I was going suggest exercise...

 

I had this idea that going for a run would give me "me" time, alone to get my thoughts in order and I'd come back refreshed and raring to go!

 

Total bollox, I was doing well if I could make the salt box at the end of the drive! Waiting for those feel good endorphins to kick in, still waiting...

 

Never forget Leonard Rossiter died playing squash!

 

I find a working beer helps...

[ToughButterCup]

Exercise:

too much damage from over-indulgence in exercise - crazy amounts of competitive fell-running between 1970s and the early 2000s saw to it that my knee and hip are now (politely) declaring their intention to quit

Alohol:

One or two beers in the evening, three evenings a week is all I allow myself usually. Yes I break that rule sometimes, but not drinking is a real focus for me recently. 

[Gone West]

We used to go abroad (Madeira) for a couple of months in the winter every year. Unfortunately the result is that the build takes that much longer but it's great having a break.

[newhome]

When my husband was doing the build here he found it all quite motivating all the time there were trades in and he was working alongside them, organising things etc. Then when they had gone and he was doing the vast majority of the work himself on his own he found it a very lonely place and the enormity of the task ahead hit home. Rather than it being an exciting project that he had always wanted to do (so he said at the start) it became a chore. I was at work all day and he found it difficult to be here totally alone and just work on the house. He ended up getting a part time job in the mornings simply to change things. He was pretty much as productive with the part time job as he was before because he didn't spend all morning trying to get motivated to start on something. 

 

Then later when my husband was sick and later died and everything was down to me I couldn't get my head around doing anything on the house for about 6 months afterwards as I wasn't in the right headspace at all. So I just stopped until I felt motivated enough to continue again. It can really become something you hate if you let it. 

 

So take some days off (don't wait until June as that won't help you with the rest of April and May), do something enjoyable, relax, and then see about starting afresh. Maybe you could try to get some mates in to help on a they help you, you help them basis? It's often easier to work alongside others for the camaraderie and chat, and that often helps to keep things moving along. Yes you would have to spend some time on their things too but you would have people to help move yours along too.  

 

 

 

 

[Gone West]

2 minutes ago, newhome said:

 It can really become something you hate if you let it. 
 

I can relate to that completely.

[joe90]

I must admit we are now looking at what we can do AFTER we move in, just getting the basics in place to call it home, we are even going to cook in the caravan outside so I can instal the kitchen afterwards.

[Onoff]

Question: Does self building age you? As in that look Blair, Obama etc develop after a few years in office.

 

As in compare the before and after photo. Are you greyer? Do you look haunted? 

 

We all know it can make you put on weight...

 

Of course if it went trouble free and you came out revitalised and in pocket I guess it could rejuvenate you...

 

Edited April 23, 2018 by Onoff

[Declan52]

Go and check Groupon that is local to you and see if there is any good deals for hotels near you that have spa facilities. Book it and go and get a few nights good sleep with some nice food and drink and if possible a nice massage/treatment. And just sit in a pool/sauna/jacuzzi for a few hrs and just relax.

No point in staying at home to relax as if you look out the window the guilt of I should be doing stuff will kick in. Keep you head up high and remember how hard you both have worked to get where your at and do it with a sense of pride not dread as you have had more than your share of issues but your closer than most of the people here to the finish line than the starting blocks.

 

[Russell griffiths]

Just my two cents worth. 

The last place I built I did it just like a job

i was on site at 8am and stopped for lunch every day without fail and went home at 4.30, I never stay late, if somebody wanted a meeting at 5 I would say no, I’m going home for a beer come tomorrow 

i never worked on it at the weekend except for going and picking finishes and fittings. 

 

I intend doing exactly the same with this one, although I live 2 minutes walk from the new plot I never stepped foot on it all weekend,  I don’t think you can let it consume you, you need to look forward to getting on site on Monday, first thing I do when I turn up is make a coffee and lean on the shed and make a rough order of things that need doing that day, any phone calls get written on a white board in the site office and are made in a half hour period after lunch, 

 

if you were closer I would come up and give you a hand, 

 

is there any way to set up a forum labour exchange. 

 

[Brickie]

Re sleep I can recommend getting a speaker pillow from Amazon or EBay. 

Got mine when I was doing nights on the railway-even though I was exhausted found it difficult,stressful even to demand my mind shut down. So I got one,installed the iplayer radio app & listened to Westminster Hour,In our time or another discussion programme-anything with no big jumps in audio level & long enough that I could focus my mind on it & let sleep happen,rather than forcing it. 

[Onoff]

Build Swap...where two disheartened self builders swap caravans for the weekend and see they're not the only ones in that boat!

[epsilonGreedy]

15 minutes ago, Declan52 said:

Go and check Groupon that is local to you and see if there is any good deals for hotels near you that have spa facilities.

 

 

To continue this theme, board a Brittany Ferry in Portsmouth or Plymouth as a foot passenger and do a round trip to Spain. Three days of staring at waves in the Bay of Biscay should trigger a beneficial brain reboot and free up millions of neurons that will be champing at the bit to crack on with your self build.

[ProDave]

55 minutes ago, joe90 said:

I must admit we are now looking at what we can do AFTER we move in, just getting the basics in place to call it home, we are even going to cook in the caravan outside so I can instal the kitchen afterwards.

We thought about moving in and sleeping in the house over winter. But ruled that out as we would still have to cook and wash in the caravan.  Even now with a working bathroom in the house we are still not moving in, until we have a functioning kitchen  in the house.

[Moira Niedzwiecka]

2 hours ago, recoveringacademic said:

I'm knackered. Had enough. Tearful sometimes. Big girl

Yep. +100

2 hours ago, recoveringacademic said:

I'm in that ungrateful, self-indulgent, whining mode. And I bet I'm not alone.

 

If you recognise my description, how did you dig yourself out of a similar hole

I am still in the hole & digging deeper.

What depresses me is that I just don't have any time.

When I get back from work at gone 6pm & have something to eat I am already knackered.

Motivating myself to do jobs on site or even housework or shopping after work is hard.

I work full time, have Tuesdays off but work every other Saturday.

OH back on chemo so unable to help & not allowed to drive because of treatment.

Every 3rd Tuesday at the hospital.

Leaves me 9 days a month & as OH stuck at home all the time he needs to get away, that means me taking him somewhere at the weekends when I am off.

I find it physically hard as well.

At 55 I do not have the energy levels anymore.

Also, just not being strong enough to lift or move stuff is very frustrating.

Ah, there we go, got that of my chest.

 

Yesterday evening I took a walk in the small woodland at the back of us with the cats.

Sat on a bed of celandine near the brook & watched the cats play.

Good stuff.

I also like to lose myself in a good book while soaking in the bath.

 

Its been such a long winter.

Hopefully it will improve now.

Any chance you can book a last minute holiday to the sun?

A week totally away from it may help.

If not pop your lovely doggie in the car & go to the seaside for a couple of days.

I think it is harder because it is always just outside your window & you can't just not go to site for a few days.