Neighbours

[Hecateh]

 

 

What are legal requirements/reasonable expectations of neighbours re notice of deliveries, which temporarily block the road. I'm on a cul de sac 3 neighbours restricted

 

Despite twice asking - and giving them mine - they have not given me email addresses or mobiles nos to keep them updated

[PeterW]

None at all ... it’s only an offence to  restrict reasonable access to the highway. A court would not find a temporary restriction - especially as you’ve tried to give notice - unreasonable. 

 

@Stones may be able to give you a definitive answer 

[Hecateh]

They are causing me more sleepless nights than

 1000's of pounds extra spend.  

 

I want to be reasonable but don't see why I should go round with notes for every single delivery when they won't give me an easy way of doing this.

 

 

 

[jack]

8 minutes ago, Hecateh said:

I want to be reasonable but don't see why I should go round with notes for every single delivery when they won't give me an easy way of doing this.

 

I can't see what else you can do. You've offered, they haven't taken you up. As you say, expecting hand-delivered notes for every delivery is nonsense, so don't play the game.

[Stones]

32 minutes ago, PeterW said:

None at all ... it’s only an offence to  restrict reasonable access to the highway. A court would not find a temporary restriction - especially as you’ve tried to give notice - unreasonable. 

 

@Stones may be able to give you a definitive answer 

 

Can't add anymore.  As much of an issue could be caused by someone delivering to one of your neighbours houses.

 

You've done your best asking for contact details to let them know, so I wouldn't worry about it. If a delivery was going to take any length of time, and there was a real urgency for a neighbour to get out, the delivery lorry can always move.

 

 

 

[Hecateh]

Thanks all -

Over the last 9 weeks there have been 4 issues only one of them being something My Project did wrong.  Access is limited and despite having instructions to use the grab this driver decided he could dump stuff and in getting into position drove onto a block paved drive. I went ballistic at this as I believe it is perfectly reasonable for neighbours to expect us NOT to do this.  These drives are not designed for heavy lorries and I insisted that the rest of the deliveries were done as agreed.  The other 3 are all neighbours being unreasonable and annoying the builders to the extent they don't want to be helpful.  '@F)*&)*& move that now;' is not a reasonable request to move so they can get off their drive.  I had a neighbour knock at my door telling me the builders had laughed at his wife when she asked them to clean the mess off the road.  Before I could mention it I was told that the said woman (70+) Had told them to 'Get that f*&^*&^ road cleaned.  All that was on the road was grit/salt spread by another neighbour.  

But it's getting so that, if I know there is going to be a delivery, I am awake half the night worrying about it

 

 

[Declan52]

Unless all the materials that built their houses where helicoptered in then it's just a case of  biting your tongue and being civil. As long as the lorries don't do any actual damage there ain't a lot they can do so don't stress too much. 

[ProDave]

Neighbours can be funny things and often won't do simple things to help themselves.

 

I came home one day, to find the party fence between my garden and next door missing and a skip in next doors front garden. The skip lorry had cracked my concrete drive in the process. I made a lot of fuss about that resulting in the contractor doing the job next door digging up and re laying my cracked concrete drive, and fitting a shiny new fence to replace what he had taken down.  Unbelievable how he could have done that and thought nobody would mind.

 

From the other side, I was doing a lot of work to my semi detached that I knew would be a noise issue for the house next door. So I made a simple request, that they inform me if they are going out any time so I can do the noisy work while they are out. They went balistic along the lines of "why should we have o go out......."  That's when I gave up trying to be nice.

[Hecateh]

7 minutes ago, Declan52 said:

Unless all the materials that built their houses where helicoptered in then it's just a case of  biting your tongue and being civil. As long as the lorries don't do any actual damage there ain't a lot they can do so don't stress too much. 

As it happens - my current house was built for my grandparents and none of their houses were there,  I know for a fact, that my aunt, who lived here after my grandparents died, did not want any of their houses built.  (None of current owners lived there then as they have all come after me)

 

6 minutes ago, ProDave said:

Neighbours can be funny things and often won't do simple things to help themselves.

 

I came home one day, to find the party fence between my garden and next door missing and a skip in next doors front garden. The skip lorry had cracked my concrete drive in the process. I made a lot of fuss about that resulting in the contractor doing the job next door digging up and re laying my cracked concrete drive, and fitting a shiny new fence to replace what he had taken down.  Unbelievable how he could have done that and thought nobody would mind.

Totally see where you are coming from with the cracked drive.  My builder even went to apologise after the lorry on the block paving and said he would pay for any damage.  

6 minutes ago, ProDave said:

From the other side, I was doing a lot of work to my semi detached that I knew would be a noise issue for the house next door. So I made a simple request, that they inform me if they are going out any time so I can do the noisy work while they are out. They went balistic along the lines of "why should we have o go out......."  That's when I gave up trying to be nice.

Sounds a bit like (but not totally) my request for emails or mobiles.  They seem scared to give them me 'in case I may harass them FFS  Make a new address ( - like I have done to give them lol ...  I am not that stupid)

 

 

[lizzie]

@Hecateh feel for you and you have to live there too!

 

We have/had tolerant neighbours not too many complaints save for the guy we bought the land from. It is his private drive we have to get down and to be fair he was ok first off but our groundworkers were a nightmare chewed up his verges left mud on the drive messed up his field where we had permission to put our spoil, ripped out his hedge ‘in error’ chewed up his newly laid lawn, damaged a beautiful tpo’d yew tree,  I could go on.  Last year before we realised the true extent and incomptetence we paid thousands to them to clean up and rectify the  -as we were told- ‘unavoidable’ mess and then we found they had just made it worse in their attempts to put right their mess at our expense. We now have a somewhat tetchy neighbour and face a bill of many more thousands to get it all sorted.....will we get any money back from groundworks company who knows....

 

No moral to this story other than we tried our utmost to be good neighbours and it has not worked through no fault of ours, we employed  ‘reputable’ local groudworks company had professional project management overseeing but the buck is stopping finally at our door. I find myself dodging our soon to be next door neighbour as I cant face it any more. Its not his fault really I would probably not have been as patient but with all the other many problems with the build the last thing I want to face every day is a griping neighbour.

 

You have done your best and can do no more. They are fortunate to have a considerate builder/neighbour. Probably some deep seated resentment of your build at the bottom of it.

 

Chin up! xx

[Hecateh]

26 minutes ago, lizzie said:

You have done your best and can do no more. They are fortunate to have a considerate builder/neighbour. Probably some deep seated resentment of your build at the bottom of it.

 

Chin up! xx

Thanks - it really is only this site that has kept me sane.  I knew intellectually that neighbours could be ***** but really hadn't considered it here, probably because I have lived here longer than any of the (and in my family since 1950) and in their situations I know I would have accepted it. 

I have realised I really don't care if I speak to them ever again once it is all over so not too worried on that front.  

It's just that I am trying to do the right thing and still getting hassle

 

As I've said elsewhere - at least this forum helps me know I am not alone

[ToughButterCup]

@Hecateh, have a little read of these....

• 'Warts' number 1 and 2 will ring a bell
• Objection overruled, m'lud
• More recently, this

Of the 20 or 30 people who have stopped to natter while the build is in process, a handful have made reference to our neighbours public objections. Without exception, their diagnosis of the motive for negative comment they had personally heard or seen was jealousy. I don't know whether that is right or not.

 

A couple of years on and I'm getting the odd smile, a brief chat from neighbours. And ten years from now it won't be forgotten, but the pointless minor spats will be.

 

And finally, this will put a smile of recognition on your face: @JSHarris at his best.

 

Grow a thicker skin: and take it off as soon as there's a hint of thoughtfulness on the part of your neighbours.

[Hecateh]

Thanks again folks, 

It really helps

 

[nod]

1 hour ago, recoveringacademic said:

@Hecateh, have a little read of these....

• 'Warts' number 1 and 2 will ring a bell
• Objection overruled, m'lud
• More recently, this

Of the 20 or 30 people who have stopped to natter while the build is in process, a handful have made reference to our neighbours public objections. Without exception, their diagnosis of the motive for negative comment they had personally heard or seen was jealousy. I don't know whether that is right or not.

 

A couple of years on and I'm getting the odd smile, a brief chat from neighbours. And ten years from now it won't be forgotten, but the pointless minor spats will be.

 

And finally, this will put a smile of recognition on your face: @JSHarris at his best.

 

Grow a thicker skin: and take it off as soon as there's a hint of thoughtfulness on the part of your neighbours.

Nail on the head Ian

I think I’ll hold back getting my new car till the build is finished

[Stones]

2 hours ago, recoveringacademic said:

Without exception, their diagnosis of the motive for negative comment they had personally heard or seen was jealousy. I don't know whether that is right or not.

 

Having done 6 self builds over the years, my experience is that jealousy is the main driver of such negativity. It's very easy for people to discount all of the stress and hard work involved because all they see at the end of the day is you living in a wonderful new home.  The fact that they could have done the same if they were so motivated, or the fact they are going on four holidays a year etc instead, doesn't get factored into their comments.  

[ToughButterCup]

13 hours ago, Hecateh said:

[...]

But it's getting so that, if I know there is going to be a delivery, I am awake half the night worrying about it

 

@Hecateh, don't. Just don't

 

Head up shoulders back, look them in the eye , face them down. Don't make yourself an easy target.  (And then have a weep in private)

 

What you are doing is perfectly reasonable and to be expected in a house build.

This isn't to everyone's taste, but just have a listen

[Fredd]

1 hour ago, Stones said:

 

Having done 6 self builds over the years, my experience is that jealousy is the main driver of such negativity. It's very easy for people to discount all of the stress and hard work involved because all they see at the end of the day is you living in a wonderful new home.  The fact that they could have done the same if they were so motivated, or the fact they are going on four holidays a year etc instead, doesn't get factored into their comments.  

 

you have hit the nail bang on the head here stoner.

 

ive yet to do a build where there havent been compaints/hassle. it just goes with the territory.

 

Crack on and be helpful where you can, delivery lorries are rarely there more than 20 mins. I only give notice where i will be preventing someone getting out when say concrete pump will be there for a couple hours. or a crane. if they kick off then (and ive had many) I just tell them to call the police. 

 

Not yet had the police turn up, have had council on phone though. explained the issue. notice given. no other way to do it. complainer being deliberately awkward and no wont move until its done which will be a matter of hours.

 

 

[Hecateh]

54 minutes ago, recoveringacademic said:

 

@Hecateh, don't. Just don't

 

Head up shoulders back, look them in the eye , face them down. Don't make yourself an easy target.  (And then have a weep in private)

 

What you are doing is perfectly reasonable and to be expected in a house build.

This isn't to everyone's taste, but just have a listen

There will always be a hierarchy is very true - mob rule also applies.  They are all so brave because they back each other up and there is only one of me

 

Patriarchy isn't even a sociological construct either - you only have to watch apes to realise that.  

 

 

[Jeremy Harris]

We did find a change in the attitude of most of our neighbours once the long, noisy, dirty and road-obstructing phase was over.  As soon as the house was up (which only took 4 1/2 days), things started to change.  There was general amazement that a house could be up and weathertight in less than a week, which definitely caused a stir in the village, in a positive way.  Once a few people passing started asking about the house, usually prompted by the way it had been built so quickly, a genuine interest seemed to develop amongst the hard core of "village elders", who seem to wield a lot of influence (they are all ladies over a certain age, that have formed an "independent ladies group" in the village).  This peaked when I was asked if I would give a talk in the village hall about our "no bills" house, and that went down very well, it was standing room only at the back of the village hall.

 

From then on, with the exception of one slightly awkward neighbour, we've had nothing but help and support from all those around us.

 

So, I guess the moral is that there can be light at the end of the tunnel, and that disagreements and annoyance from the past can be forgotten before too long.

[daiking]

If I can give some advice, it would be don't crash into your new neighbour's car before you've even completed on the house.

[Hecateh]

4 hours ago, daiking said:

If I can give some advice, it would be don't crash into your new neighbour's car before you've even completed on the house.

Oh dear - that's a nightmare - certainly not advisable - what happened?

 

[Bitpipe]

Chin up!

 

At my last job we had a talk from one of the leading sports psychologists in the UK who works for national rugby teams etc. 

 

His advice to top athletes was quite simple  - concentrate on the things you can change (i.e. your own performance variables) and ignore the things you cant (weather, other team etc...).

 

While a surprisingly simple approach, it does help as it removes focus on extraneous issues.

 

You can't control your neighbours attitude but you can ensure that your deliveries are as professional as possible and that things are left as they were before.

[SteamyTea]

7 hours ago, Bitpipe said:

His advice to top athletes was quite simple

Sounds like the Serenity Prayer to me.

Things can be worse.  Try living with neighbours that are renters.  Landlord's that are absent/arseholes.

[Bitpipe]

15 minutes ago, SteamyTea said:

Sounds like the Serenity Prayer to me.

 

That was about it really - his other key mantra is to focus on past success. He admitted that none of this is rocket science to explain but the challenging bit is to apply it at moments of pleasure.

[SteamyTea]

37 minutes ago, Bitpipe said:

apply it at moments of pleasure.

I screamed 'Oh, God' once, the Jehovah Witness I was with accused me blasphemy!!