Low points: and how to get out of them

[Russell griffiths]

How about a build hub local support network 

I’ve met a local lad building similar to me, we meet up once a month and drink tea and walk around his build, as I’m a couple of years in front of him I’ve been able to point out some things that worked well and some that didn’t. 
 

we have all been able to exchange some left over materials and also lend / borrow some tools. 
 

since meeting a couple of years ago we have also been out to the pub a couple of times with the wives. 
it’s handy to find someone in a similar situation who feels the pain you might be going through. 
 

I know it helped his wife to come to ours as she could see that there is actually light at the end of the tunnel, even if it’s just a distant glimmer. 
 

im in Cirencester if anybody wants a coffee or wants me to pop in and offer encouragement. 

[Andehh]

I had the first extended Christmas holidays where all I did was normal household maintenance this year! 

 

It's so worth it when you make it out the other side, I actually look back through the photos I took and chuckle at the shit shows, and emotional lows I went through, the most frustrating, the small victories, and the moments of dispair. Amazing how much relatively short periods of time soften all wounds! 

 

Keep at it team  

[MikeGrahamT21]

Not directly related to building as I’ve never done anything during the winter with my place being a renovation, but I’ve always struggled in the darker months of the year, from my birthday in late October right through to the end of February.

 

one thing which always perks me up is when things start to grow again, snowdrops, hellebores, crocus and followed by the other spring bulbs, you know better times are on the way. Appreciate the full on self builders won’t have much of a garden, but you can always have a walk round where you live. The dull days really don’t help, and this January has been the dullest my 10 year old solar panels have experienced so far!

[Gus Potter]

On 26/01/2026 at 09:09, ToughButterCup said:

This time of the year gets to me - sometimes.

Great post!

 

From my own perspective I got grounded when I did a self build in my 30's, I'm 60 now. Just getting up every day and building a bit. My wife went to work and put the food on the table, paid the bills.

 

One winter was very severe, minus 5- 15 degees for days on end, it broke my spirit. I thought.. I have left the love of my life down. My gas really ran out. My mental health was in a bad place. I thought.. Gus you have bitten off more than you can chew and you have really cocked this up. But at the end of the day the weather warmed up, the sun shone and it all turned out ok in the end. I've not done another self build since for myself!

 

Moving on 30 years I now design from time to time self builds. My Client's often go through a very similar hard journey. If it's not one thing it's another! Few do a self build where everything just works out.

 

Often I see conflict in relationships.. between say husband and wife, financial stress, someone suffering from mental stress. 

 

Mental health is really important, I have seen the "hardest" builder / Engineer in tears!

 

From time to time I step in when Client's are having a nightmare, most of the time I just listen and let them get it off their chest, make some suggestions.. apply logic and distill the problem down, look at options.

 

It can be a mental health thing, financial or just a builder thing. 

 

But make no mistake folks, it's not uncommon for your mental health to suffer, mine did and it happens to loads of folk, you are not alone!

 

It very often can be fixed and you come out stronger at the other end. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Nickfromwales]

Quite a sobering thread this tbf.

 

I was not aware that this grinds folk down quite as much as it seems to, the old "self-build" malarkey....... I use BH to shed my brain of the excess energy floating around between my ears, quite bad ADHD etc, and an interest shared here and on eBuild, our home before Buildhub, where it's just nice to see and hear people ask questions and then have us lot intervene so they then don't have things go "tits-up". I'ts nice to have a hand in the prevention of such events.

 

For any folk who are a bit befuddled or overwhelmed and want to get off the starting blocks with their projects, if this helps, I'm happy to do so some 30 mins Teams / phone chats FOC.

 

I can offer advice for groundworks / substructures / superstructures, insulation and airtightness, right through to fenestration, roof and solar etc, or ask me which ASHP or MVHR is the best one to go for etc.

 

60 min chats not a prob, with maybe members offering up a small donation to the Buildhub coffers for our annual running costs or whatever. Buildhub is a free-to-join forum that is completely volunteer run and operated, and is not for profit btw. Without donations, it would not exist.

 

I cover pretty much A-Z, so quite comprehensive, and if anyone is interested just ping me a PM and I'll slot you in when I'm between doing other stuff   I imagine it'll be like a really coarse, Welsh AI lol.  

 

The caveat is, it'll be offered to contributing members only, so no piss-takers need apply  

 

IIRC @ETC offers up a bit of selfless support here and there, so it's not uncommon for good folk on here to give up their time to give struggling members an occasional leg-up. I'm sure a few other regulars help, such as @craig, other maybe going unsung so sorry if I missed anyone also deserving of a mention here.

 

"Long live the Hub".

[craig]

We all struggle, whether building your home, running your business or in life in general. Thanks for the shout @Nickfromwales, I’m going through a lot just now from my own projects, home, life and my mum going through chemo.

 

However, I’m always available and happy to give advice and help where and when I can. 

[craig]

4 hours ago, Russell griffiths said:

im in Cirencester if anybody wants a coffee

I’m in Chard middle of February, was supposed to be now but slight delay. Might take you up on that 😉

[Nickfromwales]

4 minutes ago, craig said:

I’m in Chard middle of February, was supposed to be now but slight delay. Might take you up on that 😉

Let me know and I'll supply the sausage rolls and pink donuts from Greggs. He likes those, but don't tell his missus  

[Gus Potter]

44 minutes ago, Nickfromwales said:

Quite a sobering thread this tbf.

 

I was not aware that this grinds folk down quite as much as it seems to, the old "self-build" malarkey....... I use BH to shed my brain of the excess energy floating around between my ears, quite bad ADHD etc, and an interest shared here and on eBuild, our home before Buildhub, where it's just nice to see and hear people ask questions and then have us lot intervene so they then don't have things go "tits-up". I'ts nice to have a hand in the prevention of such events.

 

For any folk who are a bit befuddled or overwhelmed and want to get off the starting blocks with their projects, if this helps, I'm happy to do so some 30 mins Teams / phone chats FOC.

 

I can offer advice for groundworks / substructures / superstructures, insulation and airtightness, right through to fenestration, roof and solar etc, or ask me which ASHP or MVHR is the best one to go for etc.

 

60 min chats not a prob, with maybe members offering up a small donation to the Buildhub coffers for our annual running costs or whatever. Buildhub is a free-to-join forum that is completely volunteer run and operated, and is not for profit btw. Without donations, it would not exist.

 

I cover pretty much A-Z, so quite comprehensive, and if anyone is interested just ping me a PM and I'll slot you in when I'm between doing other stuff   I imagine it'll be like a really coarse, Welsh AI lol.  

 

The caveat is, it'll be offered to contributing members only, so no piss-takers need apply  

 

IIRC @ETC offers up a bit of selfless support here and there, so it's not uncommon for good folk on here to give up their time to give struggling members  a leg-up here and there. I'm sure a few other regulars help, such as @craig, other maybe going unsung so sorry if I missed anyone also deserving of a mention here.

 

"Long live the Hub".

Hi Nick. 

 

44 minutes ago, Nickfromwales said:

I was not aware that this grinds folk down quite as much as it seems to,

It is quite common, self building is hard. 

 

44 minutes ago, Nickfromwales said:

I use BH to shed my brain of the excess energy floating around between my ears, quite bad ADHD etc, and an interest shared here and on eBuild, our home before Buildhub, where it's just nice to see and hear people ask questions and then have us lot intervene so they then don't have things go "tits-up". I'ts nice to have a hand in the prevention of such events.

You are a bit of a kindred spirit. For me I enjoy sharing a bit of what I know. But I also like when folk disagree with me and then discuss. 

 

But make no mistake here folks.. I do design as a day job and the innovative stuff going on on BH is cutting edge. We have a set of mods that have probably forgotten more than I know! There are new members chipping in with ideas that puts us folk that do it as a day job to the test. I like that you can give a bit back, it bodes well for BH.

 

44 minutes ago, Nickfromwales said:

I can offer advice for groundworks / substructures / superstructures, insulation and airtightness, right through to fenestration, roof and solar etc, or ask me which ASHP or MVHR is the best one to go for etc.

44 minutes ago, Nickfromwales said:

with maybe members offering up a small donation to the Buildhub coffers

I like this offer you make. I use my own name Nick so anyone can look up my work website. I donate to BH as that is all I can to, I'm not tech savvy enough!

 

I think for BH to survive in it's current form we do need donations. and lot's of smal ones. I know Bh went limited so there are share holders. BH could be sold. But as in all things in life let's enjoy trying to keep the BH bus on the road in it's current format.

 

As a blast from the past.. one of the things that enthused me when I joined BH was Jeremy Harris, the mods getting full on. BH will need new blood in terms of mods but that is the challenge ahead.

 

Yes the rate of membership has dropped off a bit by all accounts, and BH not being on the first page on google. But does this matter? 

 

 

Edited 12 hours ago by Gus Potter

[saveasteading]

15 minutes ago, Gus Potter said:

Does this matter? 

Yes. When I see the similar chat pages on Facebook I realise that a lot of these people need tech advice and encouragement, but are getting decent advice mixed with bad.

 

I realise I can be brusque on here sometimes because sometimes the message has to be to stop, think and get good advice.

To most people thinking of self build I'd say allow 25 % more cost, 50% more time, and really consider not doing it.

It was my career designing and managing, and I get things wrong still. How difficult if it's all new.

 

I add my name to the list: pm if you want advice or support  that isn't public.

Edited 12 hours ago by saveasteading

[Nickfromwales]

13 minutes ago, saveasteading said:

It was my career designing and managing, and I get things wrong still. How difficult if it's all new.

This is an ever-evolving banquet; new isn't new, by the time folk get planning permission  new is out of date!!

 

13 minutes ago, saveasteading said:

Yes. When I see the similar chat pages on Facebook I realise that a lot of these people need tech advice and encouragement, but are getting decent advice mixed with bad.

 

Laziness (and convenience seekers) has no cure. 

 

Buildhub is here for those who seek to find better advice and maximise on every opportunity that they have.

 

FB is full of randoms, shooting fish in a barrel without challenge. Horseshit on toast, served in abundance.

 

28 minutes ago, Gus Potter said:

But I also like when folk disagree with me and then discuss. 

No you don't. You're completely confused.

 

But lets talk about it  

[Nickfromwales]

5 hours ago, Russell griffiths said:

How about a build hub local support network 

Cracking idea.

 

The Suffolk Meet Up Posse are currently thriving. Such a shame that Wales has a population of 1........ 

[Gus Potter]

42 minutes ago, saveasteading said:

Yes. When I see the similar chat pages on Facebook I realise that a lot of these people need tech advice and engagement, but are getting decent advice mixed with bad.

 

I realise I can be brusque on here sometimes because sonwrimes the message has to be to stop, think and get good advice.

To most people thinking of self build I'd say allow 25 % more cost, 50% more time, and really consider not doing it.

It was my career designing and managing. How difficult if it's all new.

 

I add my name to the list: pm if you want advice or support  that isn't public.

You are absolutely spot on! 

 

Lets go back a bit, before I joined BH. In context I was late to BH so I in no way can make any claim on the way BH is set up, I just enjoy being part of it.  If you look at the mod list, even the ones that have stepped aside they all use their own names. It was a bunch of folk that were sharing knowledge on self building. 

 

Now to make BH what it is today the founder members have put in a vast amount of work. Who in this day and age does this if they don't believe in what they are doing?

 

I wonder at times. If you take time to look at the mods and their background. Some are educators.. they teach, some are "gods" folk.. they love family and want to see young folk getting on, some just are hard nosed, some are really pushing the bounds of innovation (and some have the cash to back that up!) and just want ot see folk building stuff.. but they all are invested in BH, you must admire them as I do. 

 

I think for me the best thing about BH, even though I do this as a day job is that:

 

1/ I've ended up making new friends, some I've met in person. What I can tell you is they are nothing like what you think they are on line.

 

2/ I've learn't loads of stuff. Yes I'm an SE but a daft SE does not keep up with cutting edge design as on BH.

 

3/ BH is a place where you can clock off the day job and pursue your hobby and learn. Talk shite with the eco warriors and woke fannies, who very quickly back off when you ask then to stump up thier own cash!

 

@saveasteading and @Nickfromwales. do we really need to go the pm route or can we just elicit donations to BH up front?

 

Looking ahead for the future of Build Hub.

 

Personally I would not want it to go the way the farming forum, paid advertising and so on. But for this to happen I think (I'm not party to the finances, the funding model) that BH may need to elicit more small donations and get new blood in? I just don't know.

 

Mods.. how do you see the way forward?

 

Thewre was a bit of a flag to me the other day when you announced to had dropped down the rankings. Please tell me this has nothing to do with you postioning yourselves to selling BH and making a killing on the data base. I have mentioned this before.. but if you do this then don't expect you will make a killing as your data base is not worth that much! Yes of course you have IP over what I have posted as an SE (under my own name) but.. that info has a shelf life!

 

 

 

 

Edited 11 hours ago by Gus Potter

[Nickfromwales]

4 minutes ago, Gus Potter said:

@saveasteading and @Nickfromwales. do we really need to go the pm route or can we just elicit donations to BH up front?

Two separate subjects.

 

Donations are made, not forced. Advice offered by PM is non-contractual and based on goodwill in equal measures. FWIW, some members on here have taken the piss out of me royally, now since departed (booted off) and had to be relegated to the sin bin of "disingenuous bottom-feeders". They now reside in the best of company, at the bottom. 

 

Members time here is offered up, and given, regardless; donations offered (then not always made) would not be subject to enforcement action by bailiffs  

 

It should be noted, however, that if you offer me a beer I will hunt you down.

[Nickfromwales]

11 minutes ago, Gus Potter said:

BH may need to elicit more small donations and get new blood in? I just don't know.

All in hand  

 

11 minutes ago, Gus Potter said:

Mods.. how do you see the way forward?

By keeping on....keeping on. Time for another winky-emoji...  

[Nickfromwales]

Let's not derail this thread please.

[Gus Potter]

4 minutes ago, Nickfromwales said:

Donations are made, not forced. Advice offered by PM is non-contractual and based on goodwill in equal measures.

Nick our posts are overlapping.

 

I donate to BH, my tech skills are shite and that is the only way I can put my "money where my mouth is"

 

What I'm trying to encourage is for folk, you and I for example is to say.. hey we are giving up our professional knowledge as we enjoy doing it! In return please can folk who are probably getting hundreds

if not thousands of pounds of free advice not just chip in with  a tenner now and again? But we are mostly old crusties,  over 30 years old!

 

There is a huge disconnect, hard to make happen as young folk don't realise the value of good advice / discussion.. you have Tiktoc, Instagramme. They expect that the advice you get on BH is free and attach no value to it. 

 

@AliG mentioned that you can donate via pay pal.. that is good!

 

In the long run I think for BH to survive we all need to look ahead, see how it's going to be funded. Does BH need to be mass market? Probably not unless it is to be sold.. does it need to be niece for self builders and extenders.. yes.. but with apple pay the odd tenner will go a long way.

 

Should mods be paid for a bit of their time? maybe yes/ no? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gus Potter]

15 hours ago, Russell griffiths said:

How about a build hub local support network 

Good idea. 

 

10 hours ago, craig said:

We all struggle, whether building your home, running your business or in life in general.

@Alan Ambrose has for example a Suffolk meet up. it's bit too far for me to travel.

 

I live just south of Glasgow so would be more than happy to turn up to a local meet-up and chew the fat. 

 

 

[Onoff]

On 26/01/2026 at 09:09, ToughButterCup said:

This time of the year gets to me - sometimes.

 

And in the context of self-building, its dark for longer, wet for longer, cold for longer, windy for longer than I'd like. Optimists say that some of that can be sorted by proper clothing, and decent site lighting.

But wetness can make a  site misery quicker than anything, cold can stop concrete and mortar dead. Wind is a bastard on a scaffold. 

Self building's a character test. The push to complete never lets up despite all of the above. 

 

I suspect that a few of us are having to 'dig-deeper-than-normal' these days.

 

Got any ways of picking yourself up when things are more than merely gloomy?

 

I'm lost...haven't you finished your place?

 

I'll do you a swap, my life is sh!t.

[Onoff]

On 26/01/2026 at 13:45, Spinny said:

I like to keep thinking of each day having more daylight than the last.

 

I like to keep thinking of each day as my last. Not joking.

[ToughButterCup]

I'm very glad this thread has struck a nerve.

 

Like many here, I thought the issue was -just-me-being-a-wimp-. While that may well be true, wimps can have off moments too. And I've had more than a few off moments.  What makes it all the more difficult to understand  is that I've  done some stuff   before building: edges knocked off, I'm more ugly than I was last century. (Uglier than @Russell griffiths could imagine) .

 

I thought that that would be a good resource on which to fall back as the build progressed. But it's not enough. Lone Wolf-ness is not for this sector.

A detailed, careful read of BH shows me (- maybe not everyone) successful builds are those where the skills network is readily available - either in the person building or (better still) the builder knows a man who knows another bloke who has the telephone number of a man (oops! person) who can.

 

Self building is about building -or fostering- networks.  

You and I can only do what we can do. And while YooChube is brilliant ( I almost bought a subscription the other day ) its not enough.

 

Principally because nobody on YT celebrates the inherent value in making mistakes. That, precisely that , is what makes BH so valuable.

You might re-brand BH as Mistakes-R-Us ; or maybe We Love Mistakes, or how about PickYerSelfUpAndStartAgain.

 

But it takes some balls (sorry girls) to start enjoying mistakes. Specially when the last few mistakes have hit you right in the bank balance.

 

There are hints in the posts above of informal networking - PM someone and talk it through. Maybe exchange mobile numbers - and then a coffee at a motorway service station perhaps? WhatsApp video chat?  

 

Just the thought of being able to pick up the phone and chat -this-sodding-leaking-DPM- through with someone really does make a difference. 

 

And no @Onoff, I haven't finished. Oh, by the way I've read and re-read your fabulous thread on tiling at least a dozen times. I'm a friggin expert tiler now

[craig]

8 hours ago, Gus Potter said:

would be more than happy to turn up to a local meet-up and chew the fat.

I’m up for that, anyone else here in the land of Nessie in the central belt?

[Nickfromwales]

1 hour ago, Onoff said:

 

I like to keep thinking of each day as my last. Not joking.

Chin up fella. 
 

What keeps me going is the FACT that there’s others out there who are far worse off, and that puts my problems into perspective pdq. 

[Bramco]

1 hour ago, ToughButterCup said:

There are hints in the posts above of informal networking - PM someone and talk it through. Maybe exchange mobile numbers - and then a coffee at a motorway service station perhaps? WhatsApp video chat? 

 

Or if you see someone building something interesting near you, stop and have a chat. Before we started, I'd cycle past a guy building in the next village. When I saw he was using charred wood for cladding, I was interested, so one day, saw he was there, cycled down the drive and found out a lot more about what he was building.  Turned out he was a builder and this was the last one which was for him and then retirement.  Had a long chat about renewables etc.  The chat didn't go any further but it easily could have done - we had a main contractor but if I'd been self building, I'm sure I'd have ended up round there again with questions.

 

Since we've finished (ahem!) it's amazing how many vehicles pull up opposite the house with folks obviously sitting there, saying look at that, could we do that etc. You see them surreptitiously taking photos as well.  If I'm out and about, I'll give them a wave and cheery smile and if I can ask them if there's anything they want to know. It's mainly complements (there aren't many self build houses round here..) but often there'll be questions about the cladding, or the blinds, or how the house is heated etc.

 

So to cut a long story short - put your British reserve in a box - and go and ask about their build - we're all proud of what we're doing/have done, if you do though, don't expect to get away quickly....

 

One other thought on this would be that if there was a register here of the main aspects of each of our builds and roughly where they were, then that could act as a resource for new members starting out on their journey - could this be something that a student could knock up as a final year project? Rather than it being another 'to-do' for the mods. I'm sure a small group (not mods) could knock together a spec for discussion. Or maybe there's already a prototype somewhere in a building sciences department waiting to be let out in the wild.  The mods could make it that there are certain thresholds of number of posts, where a poster is asked to fill in the register.

 

And finally, if anyone on here has stopped outside our build, then why didn't you come and ask about it!   We're in batman village (if you know, you know) south of Nottingham.

[G and J]

G will may well chime in on this (particularly if he wasn feeling under the cosh to get ready for the plasters!), but if you have read any of our blog (unlikely give  how pushed you probably already are) you'll know that many of us suffer the potentially toxic mix of things not going quite to plan/taking longer than we thought/feeling either the huge responsibility of "carrying" the build forward or the frustration of not being able to do more either physically or generally in support and and .......

 

The level of honesty and stories of the real projects here is hugely helpful, highs and lows (as well of course the technical know how/duscussions).

 

Self building insn't for the faint hearted and I sometimes think the various obstacles that many face on the way is all part of the preparation (and potentially stopping some before it's too late to turn back)? Yes we need to be optimistic, but support of others, recognising where we can either be helped or help is also important (if only virtually), as is realising that those dream projects probably also had obstacles/compromises/mess ups, they may just not talk about.

 

As in life "this things will pass" even if they are pretty hard at the time.

 

P.s. thumbs up to stopping at others builds to ask questions and stopping to discuss with those who come to ours....that's how we found our lead builder for our first build, and 35 years later he set us well on our course for the 2nd.