Pocster Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 OK!. So I will want one thing SHMBO will want another - how does any couple ever reach some compromise/ agreement? I could just "give in" but that's not right!!! So how does everyone resolve purchases for their new build/renovation ?? Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProDave Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 You have to learn the art of making SWMBO choose what YOU want and still thinking it was her idea. When you have mastered that, please tell the rest of us how. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToughButterCup Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Listen. Hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Declan52 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Pick and choose your battles wisely. Let her win a few in the weeks before you get to the time to choose the one you want then cast up sure you picked the last 3-4 things so it's only fair I get something as well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProDave Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Another tip someone posted on here, or was it ebuild? Before having an important discussion with SWMBO, have a discussion about something trivial. If that reveals her to be in "the wrong mood", postpone the important discussion for another time. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeSharp01 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 In the big picture you probably ought not to be building together if you have not mastered the arts of getting enough of your own way each. In micro perhaps draw lines around the key features of the project and assign a lead and budget to each. As each of you, one assumes, wants what is best for each other each will consult on the other on their lead portion. In our build interior design bathrooms, kitchen's, lighting etc are the other half's. The external aesthetic is the architects and they have to mediate. So I ask her where she wants the light fittings and switches she tells me and if I cannot see a problem I get on and do it. If I can see a problem I tell her the problem and she comes up with alternatives until we agree. On the other hand if I want a total station... that's in my scope we already aportioned the 'Tools" budget and I get on and buy one - it arrived Thursday, because she wants (needs) the kitchen to be dead square after all so a protractor, a response heard during questions about how much such a toy - sorry tool, costs just won't do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onoff Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 When it comes to any project in our house WE ALWAYS AGREE... That it's going to take ages! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pocster Posted July 17, 2017 Author Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) Hmmmmmmm ! some good advice and some dangerous advice ! if a suggestion fails and I comment then I am criticising- which is asking for trouble ! SHMBO may agree with me ( !!!!! ) but changes her mind months later ? The path through this is full of traps . I see no man has mastered this journey ? Edited July 17, 2017 by pocster 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdinand Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) Ask somebody else's wife how she deals with such and act accordingly. Or try this. Edited July 17, 2017 by Ferdinand 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onoff Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I say I want, she says I don't /it's too expensive. Eventually it comes up cheap on eBay by which time it's taken so long she'll accept anything. You need to out stare them. Blinking is fatal. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barney12 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Simple: resistance is futile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onoff Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Barney12 said: Simple: resistance is futile. "Whatever you say's fine by me luv!" Edited July 17, 2017 by Onoff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crofter Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I suppose I'm lucky to be spared this one. The wee house isn't going to be 'ours' and I almost have the opposite problem in that it's hard to get SWMBO interested in helping with making decisions. And seeing as I possibly one of the most indecisive people I know, that's a bit frustrating... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onoff Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 1 minute ago, Crofter said: I suppose I'm lucky to be spared this one. The wee house isn't going to be 'ours' and I almost have the opposite problem in that it's hard to get SWMBO interested in helping with making decisions. And seeing as I possibly one of the most indecisive people I know, that's a bit frustrating... Sounds like bliss. Is she blonde, does her Dad own a pub? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bitpipe Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I lost pretty much every design based argument, for the better as it turns out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdinand Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 4 hours ago, Bitpipe said: I lost pretty much every design based argument, for the better as it turns out One technique is to turn a design based argument into a use or practicality based argument. "I prefer wooden windows" "Will you paint them every 6 years?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onoff Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I like a clean slate, she's all for cover it up/you won't see it when it's done. I'll Hoover behind something even if it's being boarded over. She's spent (wasted?) cash on the lounge / diner when every wall, floor and ceiling down to the joists needs redoing. I'd have a boy's beer /barbie weekend, gut it and live with bare walls. My missus just doesn't think big.....which is just as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fallingditch Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 15 hours ago, recoveringacademic said: Listen. Hard. Generally, I specced the functional, but the aesthetic sat with my partner. For example, I did not select a single colour, nor had little input on materials (fine be me). On the other hand, 100% of the services were with me. Gets interesting with things like kitchens. Went round the houses several times there, but we ended up with a solution we were both really happy with. So its back to @recoveringacademic : Listen. hard. PS What I would also say is that we respected each other's vetoes: "You're not having that! " "OK " 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterW Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 27 minutes ago, Onoff said: I'd have a boy's beer /barbie weekend, gut it and live with bare walls...... ...... for the next 18 months .....?? I'm sure you must live with a saint ...!! I've compromised and stay away from things that belong on mood boards and I'm doing structure ..!! The big issue for me is agreeing things such as socket placement and that once they are in, they are set ....! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barney12 Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 1 hour ago, Ferdinand said: One technique is to turn a design based argument into a use or practicality based argument. "I prefer wooden windows" "Will you paint them every 6 years?" To which mine would reply. "NO. Why have a dog and bark yourself!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToughButterCup Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 A partnership has three bits: the individuals and the interaction between (in this case) both. The trick is being with someone who values what you have to offer. And when that works well both ways, you end up thinking more about your partner than yourself. I'm very lucky indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteamyTea Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 19 minutes ago, recoveringacademic said: The trick is being with someone who values what you have to offer Why I live on my own and make my own mistakes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdinand Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 2 hours ago, PeterW said: ...... for the next 18 months .....?? I'm sure you must live with a saint ...!! I've compromised and stay away from things that belong on mood boards and I'm doing structure ..!! The big issue for me is agreeing things such as socket placement and that once they are in, they are set ....! St Julian of Norwich might be predisposed to be peaceable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pocster Posted July 18, 2017 Author Share Posted July 18, 2017 1 hour ago, SteamyTea said: Why I live on my own and make my own mistakes A man who has the perfect solution!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeremy Harris Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I've found the hardest part has been accurately conveying an idea. My other half is, by nature, a "glass half empty" sort of person. This means that I'm always starting from a disadvantage whenever I suggest something. This is compounded by me being able to immediately see from a drawing or sketch what something will look like, whereas she can't. In several cases I've found that the solution is to either make an accurate model, or to go somewhere to look at something very similar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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