ToughButterCup

Phhhhhhhhhhhh, Thought it was only me ..... catastrophise almost anything these days

Are they three-pin or simple jacks?

By regarding the 'cretin' as your neighbour. As of value (even though you don't think he's worth a fart in a cullender) That ( '...its probably built this way...') is where he /she is. Its a starting point. What single thing do you think you could do to bridge the gap between you? Break the 'job' into really small bits. Just a tiny thing .. maybe a smile, a cheerful 'good morning'. I'm sorry but I haven't got the time to go into much detail. May I suggest you do a bit of reading on Conflict Resolution (Here's a search for you to look at when you've got time) Tiktok do a great series of videos on conflict resolution too

@pocster : hint: the Ad where grandma finds her daughter's best friend buzzing away happily in her daughters handbag (switches it on, puts it to her ear) - with the teenage grandchildren all agog, watching and listening - with interest - for once . Come on lad , rise to the occasion.

In haste: you will find several posts about this issue on BH. Short answer - HMRC is consistently INconsistent. Some have got a second claim approved, some not.

Thats not the main question - very far from it. The problem is much deeper than that. The key issues here are attitudes to problem solving, and having sufficient humility and emotional intelligence to work with other people: difficult people by your own description. Lets see if I've got this right. Two groups of people, who don't get on with one another, are in dispute about a wall. If nobody does anything at all, over time, the wall will collapse. If nothing is done about that, you will lose some benefit from the land. Now, there is a choice between; Do nothing Argue the matter in the courts Rebuild the wall yourself Rebuild the wall with your neighbour The first choice means everyone loses The second choice means everyone loses and everyone pays a lawyer's mortgage for a month or two. Third: you spend some money and time, probably less than a lawyer's fees. In the third choice, you get a grip of your own emotions, and start to build a relationship with your neighbour. Little steps. Over time. And in maybe a year or two, you might just be able to agree to work on the project together. Maybe even share the cost. Who knows, you might even make another friend. It'll be hard. But you'll be proud of yourself. You'll have achieved something rare. A victory in the fight you have with yourself. For all of us, that fight is the only fight worth having.

A local garden centre has a retaining wall of around 1.5m , holding back a plain earth bank behind which (3m away) there's a pond. They dropped some new timber railway sleepers end on into a trench, lined it with plastic, a French drain, some 20mm gravel and back-filled to the top of the sleepers. Cheap as chips. Carnforth rail yard has (had) many thousand of them - various lengths - stacked neatly - bet the job cost less than £5000. Delicious smell of Creosote. Your design @ProDave would be better, but more expensive and a bit safer maybe?

You aren't the first and won't be the last to post similar problems on this board. In all of the discussions we've read here, one thing is clear: carrying the weight of a grudge for however long diminishes everyone involved. All because of a few square meters of land - that won't even be noticed a few years from now.

But they are what you've got. Many of us on BH have problems with neighbours: it's normal. You've identified the issue as a problem. may I suggest you re-frame the issue as one where - despite how you feel - you try and work through the problem together. Or spend the money on putting it right. Or ignore the problem.

@pxr5, reading this thread, I'd suggest designing, costing , and then build it. Watch that cost disappear into the total bill. Reclaim the VAT if indeed you are a Domestic Client (CDM 2015) and not a developer. Problem stopped dead in its tracks. Just play it straight. Photos help us help you.

Anyway @lyy, what strategy are you using to find a plot? Loads of folk on here have faced the same issue. Maybe we can help?

Good morning. Congratulations on the longest (almost empty) message ever posted on this board. I suspect your cat stood on the <Return key> before you posted your message.

'S wot many teenagers suffer from for a few years innit...... Have I got this right? If we link a few hundred teenagers together (get them all to hold hands) we could manage the UK's synthetic inertia? Lets go for it I say.

I wholeheartedly agree. Any professional relationship needs to be based on mutual respect. In my experience professional respect takes ages to develop : and probably also needs to grow through things going wrong. Joint problem solving shows the quality of any relationship, not just the architect / customer version. This board is replete with posts critical of architects: their prices, their inability to communicate, their arrogance, their aloofness, their educated artistry. This board on the other hand does not itemise members' inability to listen, members' rudeness, members' lack of Emotional Intelligence, members' own poor problem solving skills. The point I'm making is that this problem has two sides. In any realm , you find out more about your partners when the soft and smelly hits the fan. Always. In our context, there's a simple answer to risk reduction : Due Diligence. Ask a prospective architect to talk about things that went wrong with their designs. Ask them what they did when site issues arose : and how those problems were solved. Go and see their designs in real life, not just in the brochure ; talk to their customers. Ask those customers what their architect actually charged. Shameless plug for our architect Sam Edge. Not perfect as an architect, but I'm not the perfect customer either.

Of course. Carpet is well known for its high resistance to APDS tank rounds. Russian tanks are being refitted at the moment. Iran is providing high quality Persian carpet. And the Taliban are insisting that their women folk stay at home to make more carpets.

Henry VIII's palaces often had the equivalent of carpet hung on the walls. (Watch Wolf Hall on the tele ....)

and on admission, (s)he had to shower, change into a Hazmat suit, use Festool-level dust extraction ..... The point @ProDave makes (but because he's modest, he doesn't quite say it) he's an experienced electrician - he's made hundreds of build-related contacts over the years he's worked in the Highlands. Knows when each local trader breaks wind in the pub, who's disgraced themselves with a customer's wife, who's doing well, who's on his way out. And who never to touch.... Priceless information, priceless.

First, I'm really sorry you have had this awful experience. It's fairly a regular, not to say common story on this board. But that won't diminish the hurt you feel. I think I may know part of the answer to your question (highlighted in bold above). Networks. Your project 'feels' pretty large. And while your hesitant start did find some who wanted to engage, they withdrew - probably (in one case) because of the size of the project. Silence is a common weapon used by traders and customers who lack the emotional intelligence to say 'No ' politely. Your experience in that respect widespread here. We've all (I bet) suffered from the unanswered phone syndrome. At least one company tried to tell you 'No (more)' . But as you say: they found it difficult - because they hadn't thought it the whole thing through I expect. The formal process of Due Diligence - while basic to large projects - is cumbersome. Traders need a back-office to manage it: customers need to make the time to follow it. So corners are cut - on both sides. Please don't misunderstand this post: there's no Schadenfreude here. (Even though I'm German by birth). May I suggest you find out a lot more about potential suppliers in future? A lot more. Networking is hard work: from golf-course to pub or polite Sunday morning chit chat outside church. A project your size needs a long contacts list. Good luck Ian

Exactly right. Thats why the micropolitics of each planning application matters. It matters more than the need to focus on the content of the message in each conversation rather than by whom or how that message is delivered. An exercise in attention to detail, and self control.

Thanks very much indeed. All credit to you for Just Bloody Doing It. You hint at an unhappy Planning Department local to where you want to build:. Makes you wonder what the subtexts are / were. And which bits of micropolitics played themselves out in your case, thats what golf-courses are for though isn't it.

You will be applying for your costs won't you ? Just checking😐 The £30K cost of the Application is obscene - it would have stopped many people in their tracks - it would have stopped ours. Even half that sum would mean the death of many a building project. You have been shown to be persistent - an attribute that all self-builders need. Well done. There's the core of the matter. Lack of proper engagement, sloppy Couldn'tGiveaFookish amateurism writ large. Backed-up by corrupted power structures (Committee Chair) Your turn. Pass 'Go' Collect £200. Here's a new set of dice.

They did that in only the very best joints in the 1500s ......

Put baited traps down. M/T for 2 weeks (they're neophobic) then bait and check fortnightly. Get a ratter of a cat: day rate £100 a day.

because that visor was nicked by the OtherHalf and installed on his/her side.

Thats why we have wetrooms: no mopping, just sluice it dahn' va plug'ole