Not quite a newbie, but been over 3 years off site and forum...............

[Vijay]

Hey everyone. Some might remember me, most probably won't, it's been over 3 years since I did any work on my build and at a crossroads now.

I got my ICF walls up to first floor level and got the concrete poured into the walls. Then due to family stuff and health, had to put a complete hold to my self build journey. So nearly 3.5 years later and at 53, I have the very tough decision to make of whether to carry on or take life easier and settle for a normal house and probably no workshop. I love my plot and would love to live in the finished house (and workshop lol), but have to be realistic of how long it might take to get there.

 

I write all this wondering how many of you guys have been in the situation of having to decide if carrying on is the best choice? Did anyone walk away and regret it? Was anyone close to giving up and calling it a day???

I'll probably post a few questions on the next steps of work, which could help me decide what to do.

 

Hope everyone is good and made progress/finished their builds

 

Vijay

[Jilly]

Hello. Is there a possibility that you could part complete so that you can live on site more cheaply, and build the rest slowly? 

[ProDave]

Welcome back.

 

We obviously don't know the details of why you stopped. That is personal that you may or may not want to share.

 

All I can say is be positive and flexible with your plans.  It would be a huge wrench for me not to complete.  In our case it was unforeseen financial circumstances that forced a re think, and our revised plan was a very much slower "build as you earn" build with us doing far more of the work that we expected to at the start, but we completed and are now comfortable in our new house, and the eventual sale of the old house that caused all our problems actually left us better off in the end than we ever expected.  So chin up, formulate a plan B and move forward.

[ToughButterCup]

12 hours ago, Vijay said:

...

Was anyone close to giving up and calling it a day???

...

 

Yes.

• One wall collapse.
• Two hips replaced. (6 months apart)
• Every day now I look at errors that were made because I was in so much pain
• Family disaster(s) - no more than average : but significant and on-going
• A few very poorly behaved trades folk. 
• Run out of money .... and still there.

Self building is a test of character.  When I'm down - which is once a month or maybe a bit less frequently - I remind myself of much harder tests that I survived and (more importantly) failed at.

But learnt from.

 

Make sure you have a support network. At the very least you have BuildHub. 

 

Head-Down-Arse-Up-Go.

 

[Gone West]

12 hours ago, Vijay said:

Was anyone close to giving up and calling it a day?

Yes, to the extent of putting the half built house on the market, because I was pissed off with spending all my time working on the house. When we didn't have any interest, other than nosey viewers, we decided to carry on. We're glad we finished it, even if it did take us eight years. I think that if you don't finish the challenge you will regret it. It's important to split the tasks up into manageable bits and not to get stressed. If it is getting on top of you, walk away for a time and come back refreshed.

[Susie]

There are probably quite a few of us feeling a bit down at various stages some don’t get the planning they want others with health problems along the way. 
im a bit older than you and haven’t dug the foundations yet we also want ICF but struggled getting builders to quote.

your closer to the finish line than me. 
Don’t give up on the workshop that could be one of the things you really want to enjoy at the end if even that starts with just 4 walls it will be your rest place and a nice place to go to. 
 

[Nick Laslett]

The best thing about this site is seeing everyone's journey, but most builds do not go to plan. Everyone has their own level of involvement they are comfortable with, it can be frustrating that the "self build" label is such a broad term. I'm in my 50's and my wife and I have been doing as much of our build as we can. We started in 2021.

 

I remember your build, because like you we used ICF, you also asked questions about Fermacell and I was also interested in using that product too. Without the community here, asking all their questions, I would never have made if through my build. It helps to have met a few members too. I visit the site most lunch times and enjoy catching up on people progress. We are still at least a year away from being complete.

 

No one else can give you the right answer on how best to proceed, but perhaps visiting some other members and seeing their builds would help clarify your situation.

 

 

 

 

Edited August 7 by Nick Laslett

[mike2016]

I'm 9 years in, 8 years trying to get it off the ground and what ifs, everything getting more expensive but in the end I put my house on the market, sales fell through twice and it took a year but then was firmly on the melting ice flow, renting a room and finally building since January this year. Definitely prioritize health and take breaks, the mental aspect is very real as relayed by many buildhub members stories here. Do what's right for you at this moment in your life! 

As for giving up, there have been tough days but I've been lucky with the trades and it's just small issues holding things up - like using a step drill bit to ream larger holes in mild steel and couldn't make any progress last night, trying again tonight. Hope it's not been overheated & hardened by the original driller! My world reduced to a 13mm hole in metal!! 

[LSB]

We have already been years on our build and are still on phase 1 of probably 8, many times I've considered giving up.

the only reason we haven't is because we live next door and I couldn't stand seeing someone else doing it.

We are a totally DIY self build and we've made mistakes, had bereavements, job losses and the consequent money issues.

Do what is right for you, but consider how you would feel if you sold up, if it's total relief then do that, if it will be regret then battle on.  

You can always sell up in the future, but won't be able to buy back once you've done it.

Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope it works out for you.

Feel free to reach out to the BH community and maybe find someone local who you can physically visit and see their progress / finished results.

 

By the way, we are in our 60's so you are not old 🙂

 

Edited August 7 by LSB

[Vijay]

Thank you so much everyone. I find it so tough as I flip between what to do and how long things might take. My partner is amazing but she doesn't really share my self build dream. I met her after I started the build, so it's not something she'd ever have thought about doing. She's more into new run on the mill developer houses because they are "finished" and new. She thinks the build would be an amazing home, but doesn't see it as worth it because of the time it would take.

When it rains it pours 

 

[SteamyTea]

Stick with it.

Very few people get an opportunity to self build. And it always takes longer than people think.

 

You will get lots of support, if all kinds, on here, just ask.

I am sure that a few people that are local to you will drag you out for lunch/coffee/a laugh.  That helps.

[Vijay]

43 minutes ago, SteamyTea said:

Stick with it.

Very few people get an opportunity to self build. And it always takes longer than people think.

 

You will get lots of support, if all kinds, on here, just ask.

I am sure that a few people that are local to you will drag you out for lunch/coffee/a laugh.  That helps.

That's exactly it, I know it will be an amazing place to live and I believe a nice life once it's done

[Jilly]

My mantras:

 

Recognise and seize opportunities. 
Nothing lasts forever.

Protect the downsides. 

What’s important?

What is negotiable and what isn’t?

Analyse the feelings you want.

What’s this really about?

Pain recedes. 
 

[G and J]

Our first self build went really well, we were incredibly lucky, but it was still enormous stress and we were only in our third decade back then.  
 

But, the memory of the stress does quickly recede, but the bloody great big grin inside at the pride of what we have achieved takes an awful lot longer to recede.  So when you get to then end it is the most fabulous feeling.  
 

In the meantime it might help to contemplate that getting the project started at all is not something the vast majority of people could manage, so you have, it can be argued, already achieved something brilliant.

 

As my wise (but incredibly annoying) Irish neighbour used to say, “don’t look at the pile of wood waiting to be stacked, look at the growing pile you’ve already done.”  And smile.

[Kelvin]

The road the self-build isn’t straight. While our actual build was relatively quick (14 months start to moving in) the whole process from when we decided to make the life change of moving from England to Scotland was stressful. I quit my job, and we put our house on the market. It sold within a few weeks. However, the sale fell through twice. We uncovered a load of legal stuff that our conveyancing solicitor missed when we bought the house that nearly caused the sale to fall through a third time. The plot purchase took longer than planned and we couldn’t find anywhere to rent for months because of all our animals. At one point I was unemployed, we owned an expensive house we couldn’t complete the sale on, we owned a plot of land we couldn’t build a house on and we had a house we’d rented we couldn’t move into. However, I got us through all of that and things settled down. We then go into the design and planning stage to find out that our architect was incompetent so what should have been relatively straightforward took 10 months. We then got into the build to find out that the builder the architect used was also incompetent and caused some serious issues. We dealt with the issues but the delay caused us problems all the way through the rest of the build. However we are now in. 
 

Did I ever consider throwing the towel in? Not once but I did get very frustrated and pissed off at times. However, I could see what a wonderful life we’d be able to build for ourselves here and I knew the final result was going to be exactly what we hoped. We’ve made some brilliant and supportive friends. My long term friends were also very supportive and my wife was awesome throughout. I’m retired so having the time and head space helped enormously. 
 

That said, there’s no shame in quitting. It’s easy to say keep going. But ultimately your health and wellbeing matter more. Just make sure you are completely honest with yourself. 

[Pocster]

Well ! Welcome back for certain !

 

When I got planning I could have sold the house with the land paid no CGT . With the proceeds paid off a mortgage on a rental property . Live in it , do it up and still have cash to spare .

Easy peasy lemon squeezy 

 

But that’s boring . So self building would be a bit more of a challenge. So did that .

 

Why take easy route when there’s a hard route ?

Because big testies don’t grow on trees they are made !

 

Pocster out !