Sleeplessness and self-building and self-help

[ToughButterCup]

The most pernicious aspect of self building is sleeplessness. Hands down, no contest, it's awful. I'd rather have no money in the bank than be constantly sleep deprived.

(Maslow's Hierarchy)

 

No matter how good a day you've had,  it manages to  kick the ground out from under your feet: and once its started, it happens  not once or twice  but - OFTEN-

Adrenaline has a certain fizz to it doesn't it? Great when you're playing with the kids, walking in the hills,  laughing with mates, skiing, sailing on a reach.

 

But at 03:00 it's a real fekkin' bastard. And when thats already happened three nights this week - I've been reduced to a Zombie for much of the following day. And this - in my direct experience - in the context of having professionally been required to lose sleep and get on with it over extended periods. I know from experience, sleeplessness stops. But that was last century when I was fit and sap was on the way up the tree.  But still, boy oh boy,  did I make mistakes when sleep deprived. Luckily I was working with experienced people whose job it was to keep an eye on me. And who relied on me in turn to watch their back.

 

But self-builders don't have that do they?

 

It's you, lonely little knackered but brave you. Watching the sheep cavort on the ceiling. Heart beating faster than .... [insert appropriate simile here] 

@Pocster watching for non-existent drips coming out of the ceiling ?

@Onoff seeing a new - but expensive - laser level ?

@SteamyTea finding a hitherto unknown data set ?

@Gus Potter fantasising about being able to do complex stress calculations in his head ?

 

All of us - every man-jack-jill-one of us has suffered the delights. And ( like me) , you probably still are to a greater or lesser extent. Depends on the stimulus doesn't it.

 

 

So, let's have a list of how you've coped with it. There's no cure. But we can have a bit of self help....... we're good at that.

Over to you.

[SimonD]

You're going through a really tough time at the moment, aren't you?

 

If what's playing on my mind is something that I can do, either immediately or the following day, I either get up and do it, or resolve in my mind to do it the very next day. There's been more than a few times my wife gets up in the morning and remarks on that I was up particularly early. And if I haven't slept properly at night, I will fairly often take time out in the afternoon to have a nap - naps are just absolutely brilliant for recovery. 

 

If it is just too much stuff whizzing around in my mind, I never try to fight it by tossing and turning in bed. I get up, go read a book, watch a film, do something that completely takes my mind away. Usually, after a while, I find myself falling asleep, even if it is on the sofa. 

 

One of the key things is not to worry about, or get yourself wound up about the not sleeping as that just makes things worse.

[mjc55]

Great post!

 

Sleep, as you say is such an important part of life. 

 

For my part I am pretty fortunate that I have very little trouble sleeping.  That's not to say that there are nights when my head is turning over many thoughts about what happens next on the build. but in the main I do manage to get to sleep pretty quickly.

 

One of the rules that we mostly manage to keep to is that my wife and I do not tend to talk about the job when we get in bed, again, that is not to say that we don't fail on that part but generally if we do slip into build conversation, one or other of us reminds us that it is not the best time to start build discussions.

 

The other thing that we tend to try and do is watch some TV before bed and we try and make it something light that is watched last thing.  Mostly comedies (we finished re-watching Derry Girls last night) and of late it has been This Country, The Detectorists and The Office.  Obviously this may not be to everyone’s taste but it works for us.

 

As ever, our motto is Onwards and Upwards!

[Onoff]

1 hour ago, ToughButterCup said:

So, let's have a list of how you've coped with it.

 

 

&

 

[Andehh]

I found easy listening podcasts and a sleep earphones/sleep masks with built in headphones helped a lot.

 

Waking in the night, instead of digging into my own thoughts, the podcast would be playing, and I'd be able to focus listening on that to help me go back to sleep.

 

 talk radio etc means you're not missing anything by sleeping through it, but is playing for when you stir.

 

Made a revolution to my sleep. 

[Onoff]

I can't sleep at night leading up to and during a full moon. Absolutely true. 

[-rick-]

24 minutes ago, mjc55 said:

The other thing that we tend to try and do is watch some TV before bed and we try and make it something light that is watched last thing.  Mostly comedies (we finished re-watching Derry Girls last night) and of late it has been This Country, The Detectorists and The Office.  Obviously this may not be to everyone’s taste but it works for us.

 

While I'm not building I definitely have times when sleep is a problem due to a brain that doesn't want to switch off. Definitely agree that finding something distracting to do in hour or two before bed helps (book, tv, game). While something relaxing can be good, I think being a distraction is the main thing, something that grabs your attention. Also, I find not eating within a few hours of bed and no caffine after about 2:30pm is important too.

[Gone West]

I can't in all honesty say I had a problem getting to sleep when we were self building. I was so knackered everyday, that I went out like a light. The only thing that got me down was the daily grind, day, after day, after day.

[ToughButterCup]

1 hour ago, SimonD said:

You're going through a really tough time at the moment, aren't you?. ...

 

Thanks for the concern. I appreciate it greatly.

 

I merely wanted to raise this issue in a more general way rather than focus on me. The vast majority of posts on BH are about technical issues. This (and my recent post on Digging Yourself Out of a Hole ) are in my view are just as technical as how to connect plumbing correctly. 

 

If we can I would like us to make this a serious and useful resource for those of us who - silently - are suffering this particular torture.

[BotusBuild]

Notebook and pencil by the bed. Write down what is on your mind. That way it is out and physically recorded.

 

Why not a pen? Makes a mess of the bedside table, bedclothes if you miss the paper 😉

[ToughButterCup]

I've tried that and found that looking for the pencil after I've knocked the damn thing off the bedside table .....

But for you more disciplined folk, thats a good idea.

[SimonD]

1 hour ago, ToughButterCup said:

Thanks for the concern. I appreciate it greatly.

 

No worries, that's what we're here for

 

1 hour ago, ToughButterCup said:

I merely wanted to raise this issue in a more general way rather than focus on me. The vast majority of posts on BH are about technical issues. This (and my recent post on Digging Yourself Out of a Hole ) are in my view are just as technical as how to connect plumbing correctly. 

 

If we can I would like us to make this a serious and useful resource for those of us who - silently - are suffering this particular torture.

 

I'm all for that. It's been my life experience in all contexts where I've worked, from global companies to individual athletes that the focus gravitates towards technical and tangible issues. Even when they open up to acknowledge the softer side of things they struggle and try to box them into tangibles like soft skills or psychological techniques. Psychology generally has its problems in that it for much of the time it tries to turn qualitative data in quantitative data, which of course is rubbish and undermines the findings and the field. It's a very difficult area to tackle but has to start within openly sharing experiences so everyone knows they're not alone in theirs.