Hot off the press! New Procrastination Technique discovery !

[ToughButterCup]

A Northern Self Builder has recently patented a new Procrastination Technique. @ToughButterCup, 71 , from Lancaster has been unveiling his new technique on a packed village hall carpark somewhere in deepest darkest Lancashire. The location is being kept secret on National Security grounds. A local police chief said;

" Ah maaaht 'av ter kill ya if ah wuz ter tell ya where ee iz. "

 

The technique is being called Extended Simplicity.

 

Take a simple job like painting over some filler. All that's needed is paint and a paintbrush. 

 

The necessary precondition - and this is vital - is deep CantBeArsedNess. (CBA)

 

After 9 years at it, tough buttercup has been in what is called the CBA State for quite some time. His supportive partner has been worried about him for some time.

 

So she decided to bring the paint and brush in from the workshop and put them on the dining room table. They remained there for a week. From there they made their weary way to the foot of the stairs. Yesterday morning they were at the top of the stairs. This morning after a heavy sesh in't boozer last night, they are on @ToughButterCup's bedside table. 

 

Tonight, just to spite her, I am going to put them in her side of the marital repose system. And switch the lights out and fein sleep before she comes to bed. 

 

That's a genius idea don't ya fink?

 

 

 

 

[Alan Ambrose]

 Brilliant and innovative at the same time.

[ProDave]

If you are trying to encourage SWMBO to do the painting, that is a problem I don't have as my SWMBO does all the painting in this house.  So no further advice available.

[ToughButterCup]

2 minutes ago, ProDave said:

... my SWMBO does all the painting in this house.  ...

 

Sorry Dave. But can I borrow her for a week please? 

[G and J]

33 minutes ago, ToughButterCup said:

. @ToughButterCup, 71 , from Lancaster

 

34 minutes ago, ToughButterCup said:

After 9 years at it,

I’m 62.  We will be starting the build soon. I too have periodic chronic CBA Syndrome. In 9 years I’ll be 71.  Oh god, I see my future….

 

I wonder where my paint pot will live?

 

 

[Blooda]

Just blame it on COVID.

 

[Jilly]

I’ve suddenly got a diagnosis!

[joe90]

Despite being an avid DIY er and will tackle anything I hate painting and with my build I subbed that out. On the subject of northern  speak……

 

 

[Pocster]

CBA can be fatal . Look at the job , think about the job . Do something else .

[joe90]

3 minutes ago, Pocster said:

CBA can be fatal . Look at the job , think about the job . Do something else .

But then again some of us actually finished our build 🤷‍♂️

[Pocster]

2 minutes ago, joe90 said:

But then again some of us actually finished our build 🤷‍♂️

Oi @joe90 !!. Waiting on my final sap and epc and then SIGN OFF! . Doesn't mean it's complete ; but technically finished!!

Edited November 8, 2024 by Pocster

[G and J]

7 minutes ago, Pocster said:

CBA can be fatal . Look at the job , think about the job . Do something else .

I follow a different procedure.  
 

1. Look at the job.

 

2. Wonder why I’ve not done it already.

 

3. Think about all my failings, including failing to decide what to have for lunch.

 

4. Realise I’m hungry.

 

5. Discard tools (to be cleared up much later if ever) and stick nose in fridge….

[Pocster]

Just now, G and J said:

I follow a different procedure.  
 

1. Look at the job.

 

2. Wonder why I’ve not done it already.

 

3. Think about all my failings, including failing to decide what to have for lunch.

 

4. Realise I’m hungry.

 

5. Discard tools (to be cleared up much later if ever) and stick nose in fridge….

Yes !

 

Also ; look at job . Not understand job . Vaguely recall you did job previously . Realise job was wrong . Look at job again . Say out loud (expletive deleted) this . Stick nose in fridge .

 

[Alan Ambrose]

I have a variation:

 

Figure out a job, measure up, consider options, choose parts and materials, find cheapest supplier that has items in stock, get ready to order...

 

Get distracted by something more urgent, then return to job sometimes months, sometimes years later.

 

Look for notes on job. Realise I didn't make any notes or I lost them.

 

So ... start figuring out the job again, measure up, consider options, choose parts and materials, find cheapest supplier that has items in stock, etc etc

 

 

You can keep this up for quite a number of cycles or until you don't need to do the job anymore.

Edited November 8, 2024 by Alan Ambrose

[ToughButterCup]

46 minutes ago, Alan Ambrose said:

I have a variation:

...

You can keep this up for quite a number of cycles or until you don't need to do the job anymore.

 

Not to be outdone, she has a variant on the same theme too... 9 years ago, "Dwahling, dearest, please put these gabions in" : Last weekend - please take them out.

"Its Ok, love, I'll play the tart for you if you do..." (Damn that Penelope Kieth woman)

 

Tell yas all wot: if we'd have paid someone else to put them in, they'd still be there. Thats fer boody sure.

[Pocster]

How about .

Spend 5 yrs getting planning 

Spend 12 yrs building / procrastinating .

 

Can’t make this stuff up ! 😊

Edited November 8, 2024 by Pocster

[ProDave]

Well I was going to start on my car port soon.  That was a "summer job" that got pushed back in favour of decking, a bridge over the burn and a fence around the front of the garden.

 

Good job i did delay it. The specifications of the car port have just drastically been re written.  I will keep you all in suspense on what and why for another week.......

[Alan Ambrose]

>>> Good job i did delay it.

 

Yeah, sometimes procrastination is by far the smartest option.

[SteamyTea]

When at work, I often say

"Let's make an easy job difficult'.

 

 

[MikeSharp01]

1 hour ago, SteamyTea said:

When at work, I often say

"Let's make an easy job difficult'.

Yes - that about sums up Chefing though - cooking made difficult or have I got that wrong?

 

 

[SteamyTea]

7 hours ago, MikeSharp01 said:

Yes - that about sums up Chefing though - cooking made difficult or have I got that wrong?

 

 

That about sums it up.

More paperwork than ingredients, though we tend not to poison people these days.

[ToughButterCup]

Update.

 

Last night did not entirely go to plan.... Lemme explain.

 

Paint and brush duly hidden under her duvet. Sleep on my part feigned. Lights out. 

 

She discovers the offending articles and promptly drops them on my pillow. Bugger. Didn't see that coming.

 

"But you forgot to bring me a screwdriver to open the lid ...."

 

That didn't go down too well. 

 

Its 7:30 am, and I've just finished painting the five small patches of Polyfilla. Need to go and bring her breakfast in bed now. 

 

It never ceases to amaze me how much effort it takes to avoid doing really simple quick jobs.

[ProDave]

I was reading on another forum of someone that made some oak doors for a kitchen unit.  His SWMBO said she would paint them, so he gave her the brushes and the clear varnish.  He came back from work to find instead she had found a different tin of dark oak stain and used that, and now they are too dark and don't match the rest of the doors.

 

[ToughButterCup]

23 minutes ago, ProDave said:

... she had found a different tin of dark oak stain and used that, and now they are too dark and don't match the rest of the doors.

 

 

Storm Warning.....