ToughButterCup Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Well, folks, that's it. The last nail in the last joist. Its been hammered in HARD. Here's why. For reasons only known to the inexperienced self-builder, I put the floor joists up working from both ends of the room to the middle. 400 centers. That makes a gap between joists of about 328ml. The middle three joist are longer than the others - they had to be inserted closer than the others: 310ish. Tight. Well tight if you are my size. Arms and head above the top chord of the joist - beer gut wedged firmly between the POSIs, but swinging the hammer now like a demon (900 nails down and just a few more to go - all because of you @Pete). Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. Well yeah, until it came to turning round to reach that sodding wedge to help nudge the top chord a mil or two higher. Christ this is tight. Turned a few degrees. Couldn't reach the wedge. Bugger - - Hand in my pocket - - maybe there's a spare wedge in there? Nope. By this time there is a semi painful wedgie though.? Dropped the hammer. "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" Stumped, and firmly wedged, I realise I am going to have to wriggle out of this. Up? No way Jose. Not strong enough to overcome the effects of the beer years. Starting to sweat a bit now. More from annoyance than anything. Down? No choice. Only way . Now, those of us whose work trousers 'need' braces because our trousers have half a ton of tools hanging off them (all lies girls, just lies) will realise that descending through a really tight space has an inevitable effect on your braces. That partially painful wedgie now got worse. A lot worse. You see the back clip of my braces caught fast on the bottom chord of the joist. The front of my work trousers started to pull hard. My eyes started to water I think. By this time, my hands were in the air, and my head altogether too close to the gap between the joists. And suddenly with one bound (as it were) I was free. PING - THUMP The clip of the braces parted company with the waist band - shot up inside my clothing and hit the bottom of my shoulder. No wedgie pain now, just shoulder pain instead. All of this was happening dear reader at the same time as my T shirt, gillet and windproof were slowly making their way past my beer gut on the way to my my head. Couldn't see a thing. But sure as Hell, I could feel my shoulder. A few seconds later, there I was topless on the scaffold boards. Cold? No. Furiously hot. Just a matter now of jumping down to the floor. Yep, I suspect you are ahead of me......... The jump was elegant. Feet and knees together (just like I wuz taught) Thump. I stopped. My trousers didn't. Normally that wouldn't matter. No need to fuss over a small thing like that. Standing in the doorway way my best friends wife with a grin from ear to ear. I wouldn't have minded but her dog went mad. 2 2 27 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bitpipe Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Post of the Month Ian, if not the year.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProDave Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 You really must set up a video camera. YBF would have given you £250 for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Declan52 Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 You sure your not related to Frank Spencer. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdinand Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 (edited) Video from a security camera, or it didn't happen ?. Or a witness statement from the lady. One takes it that the attempt to recruit a mistress did not entirely succeed ! Edited January 19, 2019 by Ferdinand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vivienz Posted January 19, 2019 Share Posted January 19, 2019 Oh, go on, let's have a reconstruction of the event filmed for youtube! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToughButterCup Posted January 19, 2019 Author Share Posted January 19, 2019 2 minutes ago, vivienz said: Oh, go on, let's have a reconstruction of the event filmed for youtube! Ya jorkin ..... It's the cussed cack-handed stupidity that gets me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 20, 2019 Share Posted January 20, 2019 On 19/01/2019 at 18:22, recoveringacademic said: Well, folks, that's it. The last nail in the last joist. Its been hammered in HARD. Here's why. For reasons only known to the inexperienced self-builder, I put the floor joists up working from both ends of the room to the middle. 400 centers. That makes a gap between joists of about 328ml. The middle three joist are longer than the others - they had to be inserted closer than the others: 310ish. Tight. Well tight if you are my size. Arms and head above the top chord of the joist - beer gut wedged firmly between the POSIs, but swinging the hammer now like a demon (900 nails down and just a few more to go - all because of you @Pete). Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. Well yeah, until it came to turning round to reach that sodding wedge to help nudge the top chord a mil or two higher. Christ this is tight. Turned a few degrees. Couldn't reach the wedge. Bugger - - Hand in my pocket - - maybe there's a spare wedge in there? Nope. By this time there is a semi painful wedgie though.? Dropped the hammer. "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" Stumped, and firmly wedged, I realise I am going to have to wriggle out of this. Up? No way Jose. Not strong enough to overcome the effects of the beer years. Starting to sweat a bit now. More from annoyance than anything. Down? No choice. Only way . Now, those of us whose work trousers 'need' braces because our trousers have half a ton of tools hanging off them (all lies girls, just lies) will realise that descending through a really tight space has an inevitable effect on your braces. That partially painful wedgie now got worse. A lot worse. You see the back clip of my braces caught fast on the bottom chord of the joist. The front of my work trousers started to pull hard. My eyes started to water I think. By this time, my hands were in the air, and my head altogether too close to the gap between the joists. And suddenly with one bound (as it were) I was free. PING - THUMP The clip of the braces parted company with the waist band - shot up inside my clothing and hit the bottom of my shoulder. No wedgie pain now, just shoulder pain instead. All of this was happening dear reader at the same time as my T shirt, gillet and windproof were slowly making their way past my beer gut on the way to my my head. Couldn't see a thing. But sure as Hell, I could feel my shoulder. A few seconds later, there I was topless on the scaffold boards. Cold? No. Furiously hot. Just a matter now of jumping down to the floor. Yep, I suspect you are ahead of me......... The jump was elegant. Feet and knees together (just like I wuz taught) Thump. I stopped. My trousers didn't. Normally that wouldn't matter. No need to fuss over a small thing like that. Standing in the doorway way my best friends wife with a grin from ear to ear. I wouldn't have minded but her dog went mad. Like I said Ian, just look back and remember all the bruises, cuts, sprains and may be blood that it took to build your house or did I not mention that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdinand Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) There's a Laurel and Harding called "The Finishing Touch", that is just like that, building a timber framed bungalow but I do not think there is that scene. I am sure there is a braces/striped longjohns scene somewhere. Nice to know that our esteemed colleague has no more than a bruised ego and a slightly flattened dignity / undercarriage. I may have done my own pratfall this weekend - I seem to be a drill short, and it looks like I put the mini-DeWalt in front of car out of site of passersby then drove away without loading it. Edited January 21, 2019 by Ferdinand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToughButterCup Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 9 hours ago, Pete said: Like I said Ian, just look back and remember all the bruises, cuts, sprains and may be blood[...] Its the wedgies that get to me most....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 I must admit my imagination is really letting me down! But the bigger the a--- the bigger the wedgie! Maybe a g string would be easier to remove but liable to cause more damage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToughButterCup Posted January 21, 2019 Author Share Posted January 21, 2019 Must have clipped my braces to my knickers then eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProDave Posted January 21, 2019 Share Posted January 21, 2019 4 hours ago, Ferdinand said: I may have done my own pratfall this weekend - I seem to be a drill short, and it looks like I put the mini-DeWalt in front of car out of site of passersby then drove away without loading it. I did that, I had just bought a new cordless drill. Finished my job, put it on the ground loaded up all the tools. Got to next job 20 minutes later and discovered I didn't have the drill. I phoned the last customer and he went out and looked and 20 minutes later it was still sitting there on the pavement. Very surprising. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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