Neighbour protocol/ tree problem.

[jack]

1 hour ago, zoothorn said:

I already suspect they've put cat faeces in my planting patch I had ready, I think buried just under surface (as they know the cats make me angry/ my achilles heel to react to)

 

We don't really know the full story, but from what you've told us, I'm a little concerned about how much you're reading into at least some their actions (and I'm aware of this possibility because I know I personally over-analyse and worry about things).

 

Regarding your previous comments about them aggressively calling for their cats off your land, cats are utterly unbiddable, so the cats are there by their own choice. I can't see how else you get a cat back into a house other than by calling it, so I'd be careful about reading too much into someone shouting a cat's name towards the general area where they know the cat is likely to be.

 

Same with the poo in the planting area - cats love a planting area where someone's gone to the trouble of loosening up the soil for them to take a crap in. That's by far the more likely answer than someone coming and burying cat poo just below the surface.

Re: the hedge, what do you mean by "eyeing up"? Unless they've said something, how can you conclude that they're planning criminal damage to it?

 

The best piece of advice I've ever heard is that you can't control other people but you can control yourself. You may be angry or upset, and that's a perfectly rational first response when people behave like arses, but fundamentally the thing that's making you unhappy is your response to the situation. Your reaction to other people's actions is something you can learn to control. Work on how you respond, and your stress levels will reduce, for sure.

 

All that said, I'm not sure how I'd cope being in your situation. I don't cope well with bad behaviour in others, and I don't understand why some people insist on being tits.

[zoothorn]

4 minutes ago, JSHarris said:

@newhome is spot on, and I speak from experience, having become obsessed with dealing with a neighbours problem tom cat.  Getting that thing to stop crapping on our drive drove me to distraction, and was out of all proportion to the level of nuisance it caused.

 

Neighbours don't have any legal responsibility to control cats, unlike dogs, and my experience has been that cats can't be made to do anything, they will behave as they see fit.  The garden of our first ever home was a good example.  I decided to create a vegetable plot and spent hours digging and sieving the soil to get a really nice seed bed.  Needless to say it was used as a cat toilet as soon as I planted the seeds, both making a foul mess and digging out the seeds.  I ended up covering the plot with chicken wire on a frame, just to keep the cats out.

 

We have got wound up with a neighbour once, but quickly realised that the most sensible option was to just move house, as it didn't take long to realise that there was no way the neighbour was going to change at all.  A bit drastic, but the good thing was that we moved to a lovely village over the other side of the Rhins, Portpatrick, where we had really wonderful neighbours.

 

There are some people who delight in being able to wind up, or take advantage of, others.  You're not likely to change them, so all you can really do is come up with a strategy to stop them getting to you.  I know that's easier said than done, but staying quiet and ignoring provocation, whilst putting in place the best measures you can to secure your boundaries and reduce the nuisance caused by cats, is the best course of action, I'm sure.

 

Back in the early-1970's, I worked with, and became close friends with, a chap from Antigua.  He found me my first bedsit when I was kicked out of home.  He had a car, when I didn't, and we'd often go out for a drink together, along with a fair bit of partying at weekends.  It was great fun, as he saw it as his job to turn me into an honorary West Indian, educating my on the delights of West Indian music and food.  What shocked me was the discrimination he faced everyday.  Back then few garages were self-serve, and attendants would invariably refuse to serve him because he was black.  The same happened in the bank one lunchtime - the clerk openly refused to serve him and told him to go somewhere else.  If this had happened to me, I'd have flipped, but his way of dealing with prejudice and ill feeling was to be extremely polite and thank the person, with a massive smile on his face.  He explained to me that he'd found it was pointless trying to change people's behaviour, as doing so would just get him angry.  By letting their prejudice and rudeness wash over him, and just smiling and being polite, he managed to cope with it and just get on with life.  He shouldn't have had to, but he'd learned the hard way that some people just won't ever change.

 

JSHarris thank you so much for your replies, this one is so pertinant. If only I coulod have a bit of your firnds' dignity & class..

 

What Im experiencing is bullying, minor mental type in the big scheme of things yes (tho not so minor if it affects my health on occasions?). The worst/ the pinnacle of it tho- racism & something that I feel connected to. What a magnificent chap your friend was- sheer dignity, strength & class. On this note I URGE everyone to watch my favourite film (I think should be on the school syllabus/ it is free on youtube)- FIRE IN BABYLON- my greatest film ever made &betterthanCitizenKanebecause: A) its about the bullied beating back SO magnificently, B) its about cricket, C) it has the grooviest soundtrack you'll ever hear ("Don't tell me I'm a blcak b'satrd.... because I'm not": Viv Richards saying this/ so dignified- like your friend). godamm bullies.

 

I leant this film to mrX, that friendly we were, & after mrsX's vitriol, when I was out an hr later cooling off (demanding an apology of her, to mrX in his shop in town) she'd stuffed it back through my letterbox.

 

zoot

[newhome]

1 hour ago, JSHarris said:

having become obsessed with dealing with a neighbours problem tom cat.  Getting that thing to stop crapping on our drive drove me to distraction, and was out of all proportion to the level of nuisance it caused.

 

We all have our obsessions, but we need to be aware enough to take action if it starts to effect our mental health. Sometimes we can see that for ourselves and other times it needs someone else to help advise as we can be so immersed that we are too blind to see. 

 

A few years ago mine was work. I was running an IT site in SE England and I was obsessed with managing every small detail. I ended up working 70 hours a week to try to cover everything, plus I would lie awake for hours at night trying to work out how I was going to fix something of particular concern. When I moved to Scotland I changed role and resolved to do less hours, but it really took until my hubby got sick for me to learn not to sweat the small stuff because suddenly I was able to put things into perspective. 

 

 

Edited June 19, 2018 by newhome

[zoothorn]

newhome I can't say I've ever known such a hectic life with so much worry re. work.. that must be dreadful to affect your whole days like that: I've come out here to escape stress/ hassle: I had to move from my prior address directly due to another sod n'bor/ this one such a bully as to berate his wife> huge arguments, a particularly nasty sod I confronted & he was very agressive.. & so guess what.. I had to call the police > CPO out).

 

This damn tree.. not even of note now. All this work I did, under the assumption her vitriolic episode was due to my asking mrX to trim it (I meekly said midway thru her diatribe 'I only asked if I could trim it mrsX..' my jaw agape.. & she just continued: she gave me no reason to think her beef was about anything else). All the calls to land regisrty/ council/ councillor/ pages printed at library/ pics of tree printed for reference.. all this time & effort....... & they say to CPO "not our tree/ we told him he could cut it even borrow our ladder" making out I caused the situation for -some -other -reason. Bizarre. I still don't know what her beef was, my how dare he ask "threat" of trimming a bit, or something else? The last time I spoke to each of them days before we were fine, even a joke all normal n'bor chat. So how could she be like this out the blue? Even if she made up a spurious reason that I'd made a comment about his recently rip'd wife (which I didn't- but the CPO mentioned s'thing along these lines she said/ more confusion) it couldn't result in such vitriol, as she'd have known it to be factually spurious, & would be acting. Last 2 'logical' reasons are: 1) she has mental issues, or 2)... she 's been coerced into believing something that wasn't said. No rreason why mrX would get her into such a pickle, they're a unit pretty firmly so. So Im left thinking someone else persuaded her. But Im not in contact with anyone else to have falsified "ooh I overheard zoot say xyz about your husband's ma/ I'd be furious". But, this though, still seems the most plausible reason for starting her outburst as she's shown no sign of mental issues chatting, the odd drinky evening, even invites on *xmas day to their house.. on the contrary: all very good n'bor stuff/ *exceptionally good. I have the very person/ woman in mind too, the persuader it could have been. But no crossed paths beforehand me to her, or me to anyone in her family/ no-one whatsoever friends or anything.  A total head***k.

 

[newhome]

2 hours ago, zoothorn said:

newhome I can't say I've ever known such a hectic life with so much worry re. work.. that must be dreadful to affect your whole days like that:

 

You know at the time I didn’t think anything of it because I was so caught up in the whole thing I never worried about how many hours I was doing and how many things it meant I didn’t have time to do outside of work. I took my work Blackberry on holiday and would reply to emails while I was off (I still have a tendency to do that TBH lol). It took a life changing thing to happen for me to realise that there is one shot at this life so live it. No one ever remembers someone for how many hours they worked! 

 

 

[Ferdinand]

I think if you want to take it further then it is high quality video cameras to have anything serious done. That is the only thing (unless independent witnesses) that will take it out of "a said, b said" territory; if the latter, then it is a bit of a lottery.

 

Ferdinand

[Onoff]

Maybe learn Welsh? The wife's uncle married a Welsh girl & learnt the language. They never really accepted him but it kept Meibion Glyndŵr away!

 

[zoothorn]

3 hours ago, Onoff said:

Maybe learn Welsh? The wife's uncle married a Welsh girl & learnt the language. They never really accepted him but it kept Meibion Glyndŵr away!

 

 

These two are not welsh, from lancs. The 64 yr old child with his ox-dog shenanigans from yorks.. I know thats got something to do with it, me a middleclass sth warks/ gloucs (ie he's 'posh cotswolds' claptrap).

 

2 flippin cats they have. double the mess.

 

mrX was always calling cat in 8pm, gently @ front of house every ev for 2 yrs. Quite pleasant to hear. After her appaling hatred.. both started calling it in loudly & prolonged at border of our gardens -to coax it across my lawn right in front of me- looking at this childishness from my kitchen only metres away (far away from their house). Provocation no Q about it, & now stopped thanfully.. clearly due to CPO telling them to.

 

 

Cameras are the next step, sigh. Tbh i dont mind the cat on my land, its a lovely cat in fact. But I hate seeing it on my land having been coaxed there, or its mess having been put in places delierately as I think its been, by them, trespassing. The mess was down lower end (always has been) & gave me a reason to scrape it up on a spade- & launch it into their jungle of exotic xyz plants & mini walkway when they weren't in. karma. Now I'll aim for their sitting table area of course.

 

Its them trespassing Im most concerned about, or rather their possible intent: they could easily lean over brook & plant knotweed sprigs without ANY evidence to show for a good while > move > I'll have a huge problem in, & for years to come taking off £15k from my house value, maybe more if its planted close to house (one spot, my window here as I type, is only 6m away from brook/ our border/ perfect place: I need a camera looking down on here defo). I know they want revenge, for they see me as being the cause/ seemingly in total denial she started it from totally out the blue.. total denial.. & JKWeed is something they would definitely have chatted about. Definitely. Its the one thing we all worry about around here: the odd bit springs up along our stream bank (they should have reported if selling the house/ they know this/ adding to their stress levels).. and.. I have alot of it currently being treated too: one reason I was able to afford this, my very 1st house, in the 1st place.

[newhome]

Fence, even if it's chicken wire or sheep netting, to keep them out / save your sanity. Bash in a post, staple it on, unroll and move to the next one. Easy peasy. Sounds like you will need to be diligent if you have Japanese Knotweed around anyway, and if you still think there is a chance of them planting any (I would have thought it unlikely TBH), then keep checking the borders regularly once the fence is up because they won't be walking into the middle of your garden once that happens. 

 

[zoothorn]

On 19/06/2018 at 13:01, jack said:

......tits.

 

 

Thanks Jack for your ...tits reply- really helpful & you are right about my reaction. Trouble is Ive always reacted. Its in my nature, Im nr 50 now & I can't change that & I even see people feeding off it.. but still I can't help reacting. Being gentle, kind, polite, welcoming & hospitable.. & getting total hatred back in return- by god I'd challenge anyone to keep cool.

[zoothorn]

Im off to do the chicken wire browsing tmrw.. I want electric barbed wire with embedded wolf's musk on the spikes, but I dont think they do that.

 

Anyway, cheers all for helping me out on this thread, the weird turn & path it lead down. I'll gently bring it to a stop now (unless it all kicks off then I'll come back & spill the beans). I feel a renewed confidence after the CPO visit, he did a very good job (& your replies have helped too); they've definitely looked more sheepish since & the provocation has stopped.. for now.

 

zoot

[Jeremy Harris]

There's an old saying that has the ring of truth about it:

 

"Good fences make good neighbours"

 

They set boundaries, not just physical ones, but territorial ones, that people, even awkward people, tend to respect.

[Ferdinand]

You probably know already, but planting Japanese Knotweed is a specific offence. The devil would be proving it of course.

 

http://www.knotweed-uk.com/Knotweed-and-The-Law.htm

[jack]

11 hours ago, zoothorn said:

Being gentle, kind, polite, welcoming & hospitable.. & getting total hatred back in return- by god I'd challenge anyone to keep cool.

 

"Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much."

[newhome]

So, get the fence up pdq to draw a (literal) line under this, then back to the renovation work. Chop chop . That will be much better for the soul than neighbour issues. 

 

 

[Nickfromwales]

Camera needs to have audio and IR night vision. 

Just one in the corner of your garden pointing diagonally, half to wasteland and half to your garden, head height or a bit higher if possible. Pointless getting some evidence but not enough evidence. 

Plus, if that proves nothing's happening in your absence / at night you can relax the imagination a bit, ( as the worry or anticipation of something being done is 100 times worse than the act itself ). 

 

I'd put a light there too so you can switch it on and light up the area from your window, should you need to. Would help with video capture too, just make sure the light is well back from the camera so it doesn't 'blind' it. At least you'll then see who's shitting in your cabbage patch.....as I very much doubt a person is doing that . 

 

Can you get the camera in stealthily ? Eg runs the cables quietly one eve and fit and test the camera the next ? Plug it into your PC to save buying a HDR.   

[zoothorn]

I think I have evidence they've been on my property already when Im away. How strange that a new plant suddenly appears in my big border area Im planting. One day not there.. next day wow a mint plant, expert quality/ condition, suddenly apprears all of 6" tall!

 

Now, any connection with mint & cats does anyone know-?

[newhome]

I think we’ve said before, fence, camera. It’s the only way you will get peace of mind and then you won’t have to speculate. Peace of mind is more important than most things IMO. 

 

 

[Onoff]

33 minutes ago, zoothorn said:

I think I have evidence they've been on my property already when Im away. How strange that a new plant suddenly appears in my big border area Im planting. One day not there.. next day wow a mint plant, expert quality/ condition, suddenly apprears all of 6" tall!

 

Now, any connection with mint & cats does anyone know-?

 

Crap pic. Catnip looks a bit like stinging nettle leaves...

 

Get your own back. Nip over to their side and plant a couple of neat rows of hemp seeds from the fishing shop. Quite word to the local old bill...

[zoothorn]

Crap pic? whddya mean.. slr. Its leaves smell of mint, defo not nettle. Are you suggesting it could be 'catnip' not mint? & what the c**k is catnip?

[zoothorn]

Hemp seeds from the fishing shop eh? now do tell me more on this..

[zoothorn]

Chrissakes I cant figure out if this was planted deliberately (I cant recall I did thats for sure) but on an old pic shows a small green patch where this exactly is, from before the fight with idiots.

 

Can mint grow wild, & very quickly? It looks decidedly like it was potted before planted to me, as it lookslike compost around its fairly compacted roots..

 

[Onoff]

26 minutes ago, zoothorn said:

Hemp seeds from the fishing shop eh? now do tell me more on this..

 

You need a licence to grow hemp in the UK.

[Jeremy Harris]

When I was a teenager we used to buy boxes of "Swoop" garden bird seed and painstakingly pick out all the hemp seeds.  I remember convincing my mother that the seeds I was germinating in the airing cupboard were for a biology project at school.  We had a warm summer, and they ended up growing on the veranda roof, outside my bedroom window, and were then harvested and tied up against the veranda railings to dry...

[Onoff]

23 minutes ago, JSHarris said:

When I was a teenager we used to buy boxes of "Swoop" garden bird seed and painstakingly pick out all the hemp seeds.  I remember convincing my mother that the seeds I was germinating in the airing cupboard were for a biology project at school.  We had a warm summer, and they ended up growing on the veranda roof, outside my bedroom window, and were then harvested and tied up against the veranda railings to dry...

 

I grew mine on my bedroom window sill. Panicked that someone would see it and dumped the plant, still in the pot in a field...where it wilted and died. Recovered some leaves and gave them away.