Rear extension and nasty neighbours!

[Millymu]

Good morning Everyone,

We have sent a planning application for a rear extension in our share of freeholder terraced Victorian conversion. We own the ground floor flat and we wish to extend outwards. The neighbours upstairs already have a loft. 

During the process we have been very open and accomodating with our neighbours upstairs regarding the works, presented the works to them, let them speak with the building company, listened to their concerns and so on. But the more we opened up the more hostile and nasty they became. During the party wall process they have presented a list of 57 demands, disputing the works, as well as saying to our face that "they are ready to bring us to court but we will never renovate our apartment" . They also start spreading lies about us with other neighbours who we share the right and left boundaries, convincing them to go to an extent of hate, and sending multiple emotional letters petitions to the council, none related to the works. The neighbours upstairs objections is that, once the extension is there, they won't be able to have a view of the garden or access to the garden for maintenance of their apartment, which by the way, belongs to us and they don't have right of access to, with or without the extension. The council has now suspended the approval and it is now on committee due to the number of objections. We wrote to the council to defend ourselves from the allegations they have presented. We hope for the best. 

 

We are now in need to put a solicitor to mitigate the "licence to alter" matter, as soon as the party wall process ends and planning permission is approved (hopefully soon). We stopped responding to all the nasty messages and left the communication to be handled just by the surveyors appointed. The neighbours are now asking for a security deposit of 20k to be held and they are delaying the surveyor process. 

 

We would like to ask if anyone of you has found themselves in this position. It is a very bad feeling and would be good to have someone to relate to. We are not doing anything out of normal, what we are doing is pretty standard and our extension is exactly the same as others in our street. We have followed all the legal process by the book , being honest and always in good faith. 

 

We are told by our solicitors to be patient now and put the best smile on. Just to piss them off. But it's not easy. 

 

I am sharing my experience in the hope that someone could give us their advice of how they have navigated this, and what was their experience and outcome on these situations.

 

Thanks a lot for listening to me!

Milly.

 

 

 

[Kelvin]

People can be pretty horrible and it’s likely driven by a touch of envy. Your solicitor has given you the right advice. Smile through it and let the process work its way through. Generally there needs to be sound planning reasons for a refusal (planning can be a lottery unfortunately) However if there are several similar extensions on the street then it’s only to your favour. Hopefully planning will be approved and you can crack on. Be mindful that when you get to start building the amount of angst from the neighbours will ratchet up as they will try everything to slow or stop the build. You’ll need to carefully brief all the trades you use about this making sure they comply with any conditions and that they don’t engage in any discussion with them about anything. Builders are often quite good at this as they don’t want to get involved. 
 

The main thing is don’t engage with them beyond what you have to do with the process. It’s normal to want to defend every small bit of unjustness but don’t waste your time. 

[Mr Punter]

Your solicitors gave you good advice.  Party Wall award will happen anyway, as will planning consent.  I don't know how the freeholder consent works when you have a share in it, but they are often "not to be unreasonably withheld" or some such.

 

Try to let it wash over you and do not deal with the neighbours directly or react to their provocations.  Avoid words like "lies", "hate" and "nasty" as they are not helpful.

[saveasteading]

Great advice above. 

There is some territory defence instinct in us all.

Try to rise above it.

As insurance, and I think some comfort, i would recommend keeping a diary. Just a blank hard-backed  book and only use it when there is something to record. Mundane or passionate as appropriate.Eventually this will also become your site diary.

Being blank allows you to make no entry or write a paragraph or whatever.

A gap in dates in itself shows that nothing was worth recording in your opinion.

 

Such a record can be amazingly powerful in any future formal argument. Allows you to relax and not carry this mental load at all times.

 

 

 

 

 

[Alan Ambrose]

That’s tough stuff. Building work seems to bring out the worst in some neighbours. Stay as calm and polite as you can, stick to the facts and process and you’ll win in the end.

[Millymu]

Thanks a lot everyone, this is really helpful! I got a bit emotional writing this post, and maybe a little carried away! You are right "Mr Punter " I should never use the words "nasty and lies", these are not helpful and will never be. While I have not heard them lie in our face, it was directly mentioned to us that "someone" has spread misinformation. I am really not a fan of this circles of gossips and really hope everything will end soon enough. 

 

It's not like me to write my experiences on public platforms, I am usually very reserved, but it really helped to get everything out. 

 

I became thinking that maybe it was our mistake involving them from the beginning, but we thought that, as we share a small building it was the right thing to do. Rookie mistake! 

 

Thanks again! 

M. 

 

Edited Wednesday at 23:03 by Millymu

[G and J]

12 hours ago, Millymu said:

 

I became thinking that maybe it was our mistake involving them from the beginning, but we thought that, as we share a small building it was the right thing to do. Rookie mistake! 

Not really, it was the right thing to do and what you no doubt would have expected/hoped for if the situation was reversed.

 

As Michelle Obama said, "when they go low, we go high". Don't let it get you down.

[Pocster]

You are not alone . Experienced most of that inc party wall disputes . First piece of advice is (expletive deleted) your neighbor . Let the solicitor due their job and rely on facts and law .

These type of people either make you or break you . You got this 👍

[Spinny]

On 17/07/2025 at 00:53, Millymu said:

I became thinking that maybe it was our mistake involving them from the beginning, but we thought that, as we share a small building it was the right thing to do. Rookie mistake! 

It is always the right thing to do to talk to your neighbour, not a mistake - do this when you have some plans but before you apply for planning. The vast majority of people will respond positively to this. Think about their feedback and whether some minor changes could help. The tiniest change shows you can think about others.

Don't do as our neighbour did - keep your plans secret - put in a planning app the day before xmas - plan to break all planning precedents and to unnecessarily maximise the impact on your neighbour - use a dodgy architect - refuse to answer simple questions - constantly claim ignorance of building regs and health & safety - mysteriously go away during the whole of the 2 week period on the day the party wall award is issued, refuse every written request from your neighbour while making contradictory verbal statements over the fence, etc