ToughButterCup

The (expletive deleted)ety(expletive deleted)ery of TACO, Stephen Miller and their lightweight crew has my whole German family bewitched. We're all here-we-go-yet-again. Miller= Goebbels and TACO is ....phhhh Like you, I've had to switch it off. The last 48 hours have been relative bliss. Put your strategy together with @Pocster's and we're getting somewhere I think. Thanks @Iceverge

Now that's interesting. What you're saying is ... don't let the build flood your brain.... In the very early part of the build, I had to run a demanding job as well as the build before Debbie got promoted, allowing me to focus entirely on the build. Come to think of it, that might well have been what allowed me to become obsessed with it. And so lose sleep. Interesting. Recently I've started planning a walk along the Pyrenees (GR10) this summer. I still have to work most days on the build, but merely planning the walk - and training for it - allows me (forces me ? ) to stop fussing about build stuff. Yer a man of hidden depths @Pocster. At least 5mm ... 😑

Exactly. Hence this thread. And I can see the... "Wot's my fookin' sleeplessness got to do with Buildhub? " argument. That's the benefit of screen names. Exactly that. You can be just anonymous enough to risk asking

I've tried that and found that looking for the pencil after I've knocked the damn thing off the bedside table ..... But for you more disciplined folk, thats a good idea.

Thanks for the concern. I appreciate it greatly. I merely wanted to raise this issue in a more general way rather than focus on me. The vast majority of posts on BH are about technical issues. This (and my recent post on Digging Yourself Out of a Hole ) are in my view are just as technical as how to connect plumbing correctly. If we can I would like us to make this a serious and useful resource for those of us who - silently - are suffering this particular torture.

The most pernicious aspect of self building is sleeplessness. Hands down, no contest, it's awful. I'd rather have no money in the bank than be constantly sleep deprived. (Maslow's Hierarchy) No matter how good a day you've had, it manages to kick the ground out from under your feet: and once its started, it happens not once or twice but - OFTEN- Adrenaline has a certain fizz to it doesn't it? Great when you're playing with the kids, walking in the hills, laughing with mates, skiing, sailing on a reach. But at 03:00 it's a real fekkin' bastard. And when thats already happened three nights this week - I've been reduced to a Zombie for much of the following day. And this - in my direct experience - in the context of having professionally been required to lose sleep and get on with it over extended periods. I know from experience, sleeplessness stops. But that was last century when I was fit and sap was on the way up the tree. But still, boy oh boy, did I make mistakes when sleep deprived. Luckily I was working with experienced people whose job it was to keep an eye on me. And who relied on me in turn to watch their back. But self-builders don't have that do they? It's you, lonely little knackered but brave you. Watching the sheep cavort on the ceiling. Heart beating faster than .... [insert appropriate simile here] @Pocster watching for non-existent drips coming out of the ceiling ? @Onoff seeing a new - but expensive - laser level ? @SteamyTea finding a hitherto unknown data set ? @Gus Potter fantasising about being able to do complex stress calculations in his head ? All of us - every man-jack-jill-one of us has suffered the delights. And ( like me) , you probably still are to a greater or lesser extent. Depends on the stimulus doesn't it. So, let's have a list of how you've coped with it. There's no cure. But we can have a bit of self help....... we're good at that. Over to you.

"It is what it is" Being generous with oneself is for many - me included - not easy. We self-builders 'see' so much more detail than we did before our build. The skill (curse?) extends to looking at other buildings - houses especially so. To me it's quite strange that I'm prepared to be more generous in my judgement about A N Other build than I am about my own. A lintel not quite right, a gate that doesn't close and latch itself easily..... Maybe I need to grow up.

So far we've dealt with part of the thread title: Low points, and suggested ways of moving on. But there's more to it. Forgiving yourself. @Onoff hints at the issue earlier. We've all got fookoops , - hidden from view from others or not - which still get to us : sometimes years after the deed is fookedoop. You've all heard "Nobody knows, nobody knows" And a little voice in our heads say "I bloody well do" Get out of that without squirming. Any suggestions as to how - when some bloody annoyingness on your build stares you in the face years after the fact - how to let it go. Make it die. ?

OK, time to summarise. Self building is up there with some of the most challenging things you can do in your life. It's physically, mentally, medically , socially, emotionally and technically demanding. Posts on BH tend to focus on technology and technique. How do you source this or that, or lift this into place without smashing it? And while that's often urgent and show-stoppingly difficult, it's only one part - the most obvious part because everyone sees it - it's not the only one. A lot remains hidden. Being expert at one aspect of self-building and blind others leads to tears. The emotionally mature technophobe falls over setting up the site levels. The abused brickie doesn't answer his phone because customers are bastards. The nasty little runt in the BM stiffs the non-builder self-builder on price, because - well because they can. There's zero consequence to the BM. And before the self-builder even starts, we've all been through the Planning Application emotional wringer. The sneering local comments, the infuriating ridge-line that's 100 mm too high, the official mendacity, the delays, the incompetence that would - in our own profession sector - have got us sacked. And you haven't even started yet. But sure as Hell, you've lost sleep. Lot's of it. And what's one of the biggest physical stressors? Sleep deprivation. Bags under the eyes get hidden under just a dab of makeup. Brave face. Bollox to it. They're not going to get me down. You can do that for a while. How long is that '.. while ..' ? Everyone who's posted in this thread has underlined the power of sharing. Call it networking if you like, but at the heart of what we do must be the admission, acceptance that doing it alone doesn't work as well as we'd like. DIY is a lie. Or at best partially true. Nobody, but nobody does everything on their own. If you phanatsize that you do, you're not reading Buildhub. So work out how to share tasks appropriately. Find a buddy. Online buddies are only so good. WhatsApp (other synchronous comms are available) buddies are a useful next step. Meeting to chew the fat is better. Sharing ( I'll show you mine if you show me yours) a site visit is brilliant. Why even Kevin WhatsHisFace on TV takes his featured self builders to visit other builds. "Well if I were you I wouldn't do it like that....." Music to my ears. Because far from a criticism it means a task shared. Only connect. Build yours at the same time as building your house. Risk a PM . What's the worst that can happen?

Excellent post @SteamyTea, excellent. Thanks

Soon as you see Forton Services on the skyline - next left. Coffee and some German torte... better than you can get at the M+S . You still taking the tablets? 😝

I'm very glad this thread has struck a nerve. Like many here, I thought the issue was -just-me-being-a-wimp-. While that may well be true, wimps can have off moments too. And I've had more than a few off moments. What makes it all the more difficult to understand is that I've done some stuff before building: edges knocked off, I'm more ugly than I was last century. (Uglier than @Russell griffiths could imagine) . I thought that that would be a good resource on which to fall back as the build progressed. But it's not enough. Lone Wolf-ness is not for this sector. A detailed, careful read of BH shows me (- maybe not everyone) successful builds are those where the skills network is readily available - either in the person building or (better still) the builder knows a man who knows another bloke who has the telephone number of a man (oops! person) who can. Self building is about building -or fostering- networks. You and I can only do what we can do. And while YooChube is brilliant ( I almost bought a subscription the other day ) its not enough. Principally because nobody on YT celebrates the inherent value in making mistakes. That, precisely that , is what makes BH so valuable. You might re-brand BH as Mistakes-R-Us ; or maybe We Love Mistakes, or how about PickYerSelfUpAndStartAgain. But it takes some balls (sorry girls) to start enjoying mistakes. Specially when the last few mistakes have hit you right in the bank balance. There are hints in the posts above of informal networking - PM someone and talk it through. Maybe exchange mobile numbers - and then a coffee at a motorway service station perhaps? WhatsApp video chat? Just the thought of being able to pick up the phone and chat -this-sodding-leaking-DPM- through with someone really does make a difference. And no @Onoff, I haven't finished. Oh, by the way I've read and re-read your fabulous thread on tiling at least a dozen times. I'm a friggin expert tiler now

That's the loneliest place in the world . You (we, I) have been told / made to understand that self-building is a privilege. Given to few. And we should be grateful - stop moaning and "JustBloodyDoIt." Self-building is as big a character test as doing a PhD, or handling a long-term relationship break down, or surviving a major operation. A full-on build's knackering. You're among friends here. Don't ever forget that

Quick. Ring up the Guinness Book of Records. Make your claim to be the first person to lower BP by consuming alohol. Hic! 😳

I don't know -personally- of anyone who'll work for you. But here's a list of companies who are in that sector. Ring them - maybe they'll know one that is close to your site. I bet the sector is quite small so its likely everyone knows ( or knows of ) everyone else List of companies in the sector.