Sleeplessness and self-building and self-help

[ToughButterCup]

2 minutes ago, BotusBuild said:

...

 

Mobile Self Build Shed

 

Mobile Self Build Shed  with sarnies by @SteamyTea   

 

MBSS with @SteamyTea's sarnies.

[Gus Potter]

1 hour ago, BotusBuild said:

Or could it be an offshoot of Men's Shed?

True but BH should be for both sexes of which there are only two biological ones. 

 

There was a Mens shed in Glasgow but funding was cut. 

 

I do think this thread is a revalation.. it's got folk talking. 

 

For all posting about the hard times you have gone through.. see if there was more of this then maybe you could have felt more supported, for many its too late but for folk starting out at least try it.. you have nothing to lose!

 

You still have had to put in the hard graft, learn about building.. but maybe without the overstress. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[G and J]

2 hours ago, Gus Potter said:

don't feel at any time you are inadequate if things go wrong on a build.

Great advice I am unable to follow but wish I could. 
 

Burnt in large letters deep into the flesh of my core is the simple truth:  “It’s all my fault”. 
 

Simples. 
 

That doesn’t mean it’s all doom and gloom, though it is on some days but not generally.   But, if something wasn’t ordered on time, if two parts of the design don’t mesh like they should, if an operation is forgotten, etc. then I can look around all I like, I won’t find anyone else to blame. 
 

So I’ve accepted all the blame in advance and most days it doesn’t weigh on me. There’s a long list of other stuff that’s far higher priority for weighing on me, so it can go on the queue. 
 

[SteamyTea]

2 hours ago, ToughButterCup said:

MBSS with @SteamyTea's sarnies.

Already Done

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09fb6n5/episodes/player

 

[Gus Potter]

15 minutes ago, G and J said:

Great advice I am unable to follow but wish I could.

Ah, that is a bit embarrassing. Fault lies at my end.. I should have explained in a better way. 

 

25 minutes ago, G and J said:

So I’ve accepted all the blame in advance and most days it doesn’t weigh on me.

Blame is being a bit harsh on yourself. Ask and reflect. How much were you expected to know when you started? Evaluate how much you have learnt, take pride in that, and yes don't let it weigh on you. 

 

I'm making some posts that reflect my own experience. From a novice self buider to an SE / Designer that chips in here. I've made some horrible mistakes when running a contracting business! But at the time I did not know any better, I just did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time.

 

Now this thread is about.. hind sight and mental health to be blunt.. but also about trying to see how you get out of the woods at times when the world turns to shite.

 

I'm chipping in as I am fortunate enough to see it from both sides.. as a past self builder myself and now on what you may call "the other side of the fence". 

 

 

 

 

[ToughButterCup]

Good. Some really interesting and thoughtful contributions.

A self-build isn't merely about nuts bolts and how not to cross-thread them.

 

So far, it seems to me to be  generally accepted that in the self build context 

• fizz is added to normal build problems by the contexts in which we work
• if we could damp down the fizz - or at least some of it - we'd be more able to focus on the build
• sharing problems online is easier when we ask technical questions about nuts bolts and crossed threads 
• we're more reticent about the wider contexts
• Unless members take courage in both hands, they usually don't post about those wider issues.

Buildhub is the one space (OK, online space) where you (every single BH member)knows they're among friends ; understanding friends. People who are likely to have very similar issues to those you're facing. 

 

A suggested format for some next steps.

 

Read loads of posts and imagine the author of those posts that somehow click with you. Those that add a little more than just: Do-this=then=that=then=this .

• Drop that author a PM. Waste a bit of time chatting. Smell the coffee. 
• Suggest a WhatsApp (or whatever) maybe. Listen - read between the lines.
• Get to know and trust a bit more. Share some hard issues perhaps?
• Meet at a neutral venue?
• Visit

And all's not going to be happily ever after.

But it'll have been shared. And you will have  taken an appropriate risk and -who knows- maybe won.