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epsilonGreedy

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Blog Entries posted by epsilonGreedy

  1. epsilonGreedy
    When the sun is below the horizon and 450 divided by 2 = 250 it is time to quit for the day.
     
    My assistant setting-out surveyor and I had a minor domestic incident in the gathering gloom at a foundation profile where our joint mathematical error became apparent. The gloom was both visible and mental. We had no choice but to soldier on marking out the foundations because although it was 9:30pm, tomorrow was dig-day and the JCB would be onsite at 7:30am.
     
    I had seriously underestimated the time needed to set out the foundation plan for a main house and garage comprised of 5 interlocking rectangles and 4 internal supporting walls. As the clock counted down to dig-day some fag packet maths revealed I needed 35 profiles, 70 stakes for the profiles, the rock hard ground required that all profile stakes needed a pointed entry = 140 cuts with a saw and oh don’t forget the 140 screws.
     
    The elastic sail measuring tape in my toolbox had thrown out my initial schedule and meant the first setting out attempt was scrubbed because I could not get stable diagonals. A new 30 meter long £35 steel tape from Screwfix was the answer when paired with my proper surveyors grp tape. Three days after that trip to screwfix and after 3 days of punishing heat, we drove home defeated with an incomplete set of walls marked out. At 1am my mind was churning, should I cancel the dig and be branded in the locality as the hapless self builder who messed around the pro’s. Could we live with a trapezoid kitchen 25mm out of true, yes, but what about the stairs condemned by my arithmetic error to run up the supporting wall 25mm out.
     
    The alarm woke me at 3:15am, I was back onsite for sun rise and even the vocal sheep in the adjoining field seemed to be mocking me. Before Swmbo turned up at 5:30am dressed for the office I banged in the remaining profiles and we then marked out the missing walls in a new colour (those line marking paint cans gunge up quickly). The JCB arrived 40 minutes late which allowed me to walk the foundation plan with a superficial air of confidence that masked my inner fatigue. Mr Digger was not phased by the erroneous foundation line, he just rubbed out the bad line with his foot and said he would align the bucket edge to the good one.
     
    The sun was up, the sheep had shut up and it was a relief to hand over to the pro’s.
     
    The day just go better. Building Control arrived at 11am and decreed 1m trenches would suffice because ground conditions we so good, the clay looking stuff was actually silt. We could have got away with 225mm of concrete but I had ordered enough for 600mm foundations. Mr BC was in such a good mood he gave the assembled crew a quick lesson on how to distinguish nice silt from evil clay.
     
    Many visitors passed by and declared I had the best looking trenches seen in Lincolnshire for years.
     
  2. epsilonGreedy
    “And?” I prompted, ”that’s it” she said. Thus a corner of a green English field enhanced by some royal snowdrops was destined to become a Welshman’s first self-build.
     
    The unexpectedly abbreviated list was a list of life-sustaining features she deemed absolute move-in must-haves for our minimum viable new home. When a woman falls in love with a building plot it is surprising how few luxuries she deems essential to swing the deal with her master builder to be.
     
    I have been a reasonably competent master & commander of a middle size 35ft sailing yacht in recent years though beyond that claim I am a jack of zero trades. Early encounters with the good denizens of the BuildHub forum tarred me as a hopelessly naive computer programmer fit for little more than making tea onsite. Some forum luminaries offered encouragement and suggested that with sufficient aptitude my career as a selfbuilder could see promotion to building site chief portaloo cleaner.
     
    A period of financial scrutiny followed acceptance of my offer on the plot. The sale of the yacht had released funds to build to about shoulder height and money from a previous house sale would buy a roof, windows and staircase. Beyond that I will need to dispel the notion I am a chinless wonder of a self-builder otherwise this whole project might become a millstone around my neck and by winter 2018/19 it would be a cold unoccupied millstone.
     
    Heritage is a double-edged sword for a house builder, some nearby castle ruins come at a cost. Our new conservation officer is reputed to wield a fearsome sword according to local village lore. The build material costs will be loaded with conservation extras such as a slate roof, cute bricks that I suspect were rejects during the building of Hampton Court or Euro Disney and sash windows. At least the royal snowdrops were free.
     
    Looking back to the beginning of the year our transition from house hunters to self builders was a spontaneous event triggered by some cheerful rural birds on a cold January Sunday afternoon, back then the “Beast From The East” meant the local conservation officer. Just four months ago we were searching for a regular house complete with a roof and front door key. And now, as I write the first entry in this saga, we own a plot with detailed planning permission for a modest 1500 sq ft house fit for Jane Austen. I should also report that the science behind the butterfly effect is incomplete as it should include birdsong.
     
    p.s. Does anyone know what a dormant snowdrop looks like? I need to effect my own conservation before the JCB moves in.
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