SWW: you couldn't make this up

When I applied for temporary water supply, I asked South West Water if there was mains sewage and storm water drains to which I could connect. No they said. OK I said.

Recently I applied to change from the temporary rate to the domestic rate of supply. Shortly thereafter I receive an extra bill for sewage and storm water connection. So I call to discuss...

"Is the house connected to the sewage and storm drains?"

"No, I was told there aren't any here."

"How are you dealing with sewage and storm water?"

"A sewage treatment plant and a 3 acre field."

"We'll need to send someone round to check your downpipes and soakaway."

"OK, What about the sewage treatment plant?"

"That's fine."

I scratch my head about this for a few seconds.

"Can I send some photos and video?"

"No, someone needs to come and see it."

And now I know why the South West Water rates are so high, and yet we are still suffering worse leakage problems despite them being scolded for several years running.